I'm sorry, Pippy.
I have this too and it is not reciprocated sometimes, which makes me be more stingy with "my time."
You sound like a great mom and grandma.
I am invited still to the inlaws sometimes and frankly and finding it more and more difficult to attend. They are starting to talk about "having to" welcome OW at some point, and I cannot fathom being "friends" with anyone who welcomes "it".
I'm sorry again, for your hard times and imagine that you put in all kinds of time making plans for the kids.
FWIW, DD is having to miss occassions to go on her visits sometimes and showing or telling of it upsetting her.
It's not easy.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.