I also never had sex with him after DDay. It would have been just too insulting since I got a lovely STD from the last time I welcomed him into my bed.
When you realize that they made a conscious *choice* to do those things, that's the biggest mindfuck.
Each situation is different, and you probably want to give it more time, like another six months perhaps, but if you don't feel you can manage reconciliation, THAT'S OK.
Big hugs. Nothing about this is easy or fun.
[This message edited by FaithFool at 11:46 AM, July 16th (Tuesday)]
So sorry you are hurting.
I am here as well. We have similar Ddays. Most days, he makes it harder for me, yet I am still here. I have bad days when not with him but they seem so much worse when I am with him. Some days he comforts me and makes me feel better but most days - HE is still my biggest trigger. I keep thinking it's been almost a damn year already. My reality is with months of him lying, while I have been suffering for 10 months, his "attempts" at real remorse just started only 4 months ago.
Not sue how healthy my current plan is but basically I want my M but only if WH does the work - FOR REAL. I am staying and getting my ducks in a row, knowing either option is a likely ending for us. If we do end up in a true R, the money saved can be spent on the honeymoon we never took. In the meantime, I am working wicked hard on fixing my own shit (and Lord knows my list is honestly JUST as long as his is).
(((HUGS))))
Grief, loss and pain taunt her - "you will never be the same." Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, she rises and spreads her new wings as she brushes off the ashes an
The saying here is it takes 2-5 years to heal. As we approach the four year mark, I think that timeframe is right on target for us.
You just started this roller coaster and time can help R if the spouse is remorseful, transparent and working hard to do what you need to heal. At nine months out from Dday I was so angry at my H, I was breaking dishes and yelling.....for the first few months after Dday, I was in shock and so broken and really didn't strike out at my H. There are different stages and different solutions for us all, but the one thing I think helped most at SI was people telling me I didn't have to make any life changing decisions right away....many recommended waiting a year and I'm glad I did. My emotional roller coaster was all over the place for the year after Dday. It wasn't until I got through the worst of the pain and then the anger that I could really see we might be able to make it together.
I've spent my adult life with my H and this had been the most difficult time in our relationship, but we both work hard at being a couple again and being attentive to each other's needs.
Have you read Five Languages Yet? It helped my H and I understand each other better even though we've been together since our 20's. How about IC for you? It helped me to talk with a good IC who was capable of helping me look at my actions and my feelings logically instead of with so much emotion.
Most of all take good care of yourself and know that for some people infidelity is a deal breaker. But you don't have to make that decision today or even next month...You can decide when you really know what you want and there is no deadline for that.
