Well Dove, it really sounds pretty common. You're coming close to the 2nd year, and many people post that the 2nd year is HARDER than the 1st. The 1st year is full of anger, shock, and fresh wounds. The 2nd year is full of the sadness of reality setting in, the true scope of what was lost and risked, the depth of the pain and anguish while fighting to reach acceptance.
I can tell you that literally almost every day from month 10ish through month 24ish, I told my H I wanted a divorce, and I meant it each and every time. I almost gave up more times than I breathed during that 2nd year. It was dark, lonely, and just awful. I struggled with the concerns of if this was truly a dealbreaker, or if I wanted to continue working on my M. Basically, the 2nd year I fully gave up, but my H never did. You can read detailed timelines in my profile if you want.
I can also tell you that around the 30 month mark (so 2.5 years), I was actually able to fully forgive my H. I swung so far from wanting to D every day to reaching forgiveness just 6 month later, but I won't lie, it was HARD. Does that mean that you'll follow the same path? No. But it might give you some hope.
They say it takes 2 to 5 years to recover from an affair, and they are all very smart people who say such things. There is still so very far to go Dove.