I never had to do the 180. FWH was transparent, NC with OW, all the "right things" immediately, so it didn't make sense to 180.
Me- BW, 30
Him- fWh, 36
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August 2013
...did you let them know what would help? or let the WS figure it out?
I was very clear with FWW on what I needed from her to just "not divorce". Once we got past that and into R I continued to make my needs, wants, and desires known. She got bonus points for anything she did that was fun, helped me work through, and was above and beyond.
We also read the 7 Love Langusges and it was a real insight to how we each express and recive expressions of love.
I think there's a happy medium. You can't hope that they will read our minds, but you also shouldn't have to do all the legwork.
I had no idea how to help me.
And ultimately, I had to do it myself. (We all do, really--but it's nice to have a supportive, remorseful spouse to help.)