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NowWhat2013 posted 7/16/2013 17:21 PM

I am feeling lost,hurt, dumbfounded. Don't know where to start or what to do. Will be confronting him tonight about all the cheater/dating sites and his f*ing bs. HOW can he say I am his "best friend" Love of his life, best thing ever and then still be ACTIVE ON OVER 10 SITES???? One says he never had a 1 nighter with anyone met online, another says that he did and LOVED IT and wants to hook up with others again. I am so damned confused....

hardtimesinlife posted 7/16/2013 17:28 PM

Welcome to SI, the club nobody wants to belong to.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Do you have the proof you need before confronting? Keep in mind that he will most likely tell you it was just online fantasy and that he never actually met anyone. The chances of that are pretty slim, sadly.

Around here we usually wait to have good proof so that we aren't gaslighted (made to believe something that isn't true).

Big hugs to you. I know this is a hard time.

Skan posted 7/16/2013 20:16 PM

Hey there! (((massive hugs)))

If you are going to confront him, you need to channel your inner bitch. Stand up tall and show as little weakness as possible. DO NOT TELL HIM how you got your evidence. You may need to go back to the well, as it were. DO NOT LET HIM derail the conversation by dragging in explanations, whys, etc. Say, We'll talk about that later, right now we're talking about XXX. Imply that you know far more than you do and keep bringing the conversation back to his cheating. "You and I both know that you did this, you need to come clean to me. You need to tell me the truth. You were not as clever as you thought, I know what you've been doing. You need to tell me the truth. It's none of your business how I know, the point is I know. You need to tell me the details." Keep the hammer fully down upon him, do not let him put it on you.

I made a mistake No, you made a DECISION to cheat.
It isn't what you think Yes, it's exactly what I think. You cheated and were trying to get laid.
I don't have to answer your questions If you want to sleep in this house tonight, yes, you DO need to tell me the truth.

And remember. He is a liar. Liars lie. So don't believe that he was "fooling around." He was looking to get laid and probably did. (((hugs)))

tushnurse posted 7/17/2013 08:07 AM

WElcome - Skan gave you great advice. How did it go? Were you able to confront?

Keep posting here, we will help as much as we can.

Up to the Left side of your screen there is a library full of useful information on how to navigate this mess you have just entered. Keep reading in there.

Focus on you, eating, sleeping, and staying hydrated. These basic things can be difficult in the days of discovery.

((((and strength))))

Skan posted 7/17/2013 12:25 PM

Hoping for the best for you!

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