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soldierNarmywife posted 7/16/2013 17:33 PM

My husband has wandering eyes.

we went on a tour somewhere with our two year old daughter and one of his friends from work. My daughter was getting fussy cause she missed her nap and i decieded to take her to the car so she could sleep and cool off.

I forgot my phone so i went looking for it(with my daughter) and i couldnt find it, so i deceided to see if my husband picked it up. Well i was standing in back of the tour group waiting for the tour guide to finish what he was saying cause my husband was on the other side of the room.

he had not seen me walk in. I just watched him from afar and saw him just staring at this other female. He looked at her in ways i havent seen him look at me in along time. He kept leaning over to his friend and whispering and smiling and looking at her. I was heart broken. I walked over and asked for my phone and was like i know what your doing and he was like what. and i just left to the car again.

We haven't really talked about that or the fact he had an affair while deployed. He just wants to forget and think that's dealing with it. I am in individual counseling. I have my next appointment tomorrow.

My question is, is it normal to be heartbroken over this, wanting to ball up in a ball and cry for days? Or is it just me overreacting to him looking. Is it really normal for guys to look at females that way? or am i exaggerating a look because im still hurt from the affair?

sorry for any typos. Ima mess...

notquiteoverit posted 7/16/2013 17:42 PM

You husband is being an ass by being blatant in his gawking and very disrespectful to you. Your reaction is normal. His actions are hurtful.
It is okay to have wandering eyes. I can only speak for myself, but I think that most people like to look once in a while. It doesn't mean that we act on it. Your husband cheated on you, is trying to rugsweep it and continues to disrespect you. He should not be looking at other women. He is not trustworthy. Do not let him get away with this. He should be bending over backward to regain your love and trust. I would insist that he go to counseling, do some work. If he won't do these things, do the 180.

brkn_heartd posted 7/16/2013 19:42 PM

Your reaction is totally normal. While IC is great for you, unless you both participate in IC or MC, the issue of A and his behavior will never be resolved. you will continue to be hurt by his actions. By not addressing it, neither of you are doing yourselves a favor.

There comes a point where you will have to stand up for yourself. Only you know when that will be.

thecosmogirl posted 7/16/2013 19:59 PM

I'm so sorry. The others are right. He is being an ass!!
I think everyone looks too. But morally it should be discreet if that makes sense.
I will tell you though my WH does not and never has had a wandering eye. In fact with another guy or group if one of them says "hey would you look at that?!" He always comes back with "Have you seen my wife? She's the hottest woman I've ever seen." Yet the lying dirtbag had an affair so, even though he was respectful and acted morally righteous in public, he was a disrespectful immoral bastard anyways.

(((Hugs)))

MartlArts posted 7/16/2013 21:26 PM

We're having the same thought train tonight - I just started a new post asking for male input prior to reading this one.

My issue isn't about current behavior, but just wondering how 'common' my H's old behaviors were. Hoping to see some guys respond.

Ashland13 posted 7/16/2013 21:33 PM

I couldn't stand the wandering eyes. It got so bad that by the time we got to false R, he was just plain ogling women or groups of them. If I dared mentioned it, there was an excuse every time.

Come to think of it, he ruined our "celebration" dinner when he announced he was home again because at the restaurant with DD, he couldn't even look at me long enough to have a conversation that was polite and focused on her and me.

It feels degrading for me and I do hear from some friends that they also don't like it.

He tried to tell me that I had a problem because my validation comes from within and not that kind of attention.

I think you are just fine to feel that way, SoldierNAW, but am sad for it, too.

It's disrespectful, hurtful and some other things.