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Alyssamd24 posted 7/17/2013 07:12 AM

After talking to BH about how I can help him rebuild trust in me, I have deactivated my fb account. Since the majority of my interactions happened with AP on fb I am hoping this will show my BH that I am serious about fixing our relationship.

At first he didn't want me to delete it....he told me he doesn't feel right being able to have total control /access to my phone, email,etc. Our MC told him that's very common for the BS to have access to all those things, and he said he felt better hearing her say that.

It's amazing to me that after all that I have done my BH feels badly about being able to control those things...that he feels like he shouldn't have that much control..it seems to me that he would want it to reassure himself I am not talking to AP or anyone else

Darkness Falls posted 7/17/2013 11:04 AM

Good for you in taking a proactive step to ease your BH's mind.

I too no longer have FB. Even though my cheating had nothing to do with FB or any other internet/social network arena, I got rid of it just the same due to other post-D-day issues. I see no need for it now.

My XH also doesn't want my passwords or to feel as though he has "control" over my phone/computer/etc. What I have done is to make a list of all of my PW/login information for things such as my cell phone account, my computer login, etc. and posted it on the refrigerator. That way it's there should he care to look, and if not, then that's his choice. Maybe something like that could work for you and your BH...providing him with the info and then leaving it up to him what he does with it?

BaxtersBFF posted 7/17/2013 14:23 PM

I dropped my FB right when I came to SI. It as amazing how much free time I had all of a sudden...

Alyssamd24 posted 7/17/2013 19:27 PM

Heartbroken,
That is a great idea! I will try it and see what he does....he already has access to my cell phone account because both our phones are under his name....I can give him the password to my email but other than that I don't really have anything else...the major thing was fb.

Unagie posted 7/17/2013 23:49 PM

FB, instagram, foursquare and any other social media site was deleted a couple days after DDay. I remember I thought I'd gotten them all and SO called me at work and said he'd googled OM's name and his foursquare came up and I was still on his friend's list. I hadn't used foursquare in months and forgot I had it. It was deleted 5 minutes later. I also had a lot of time on my hands, time I devoted to SO and figuring out my shit.

Trying33 posted 7/18/2013 01:18 AM

Alyssa,

Great move and one I'm sure your BH will find really helpful especially because you used you're own initiative to do it without being directly asked to.

I've also deleted a twitter ac and I know BH feels good about that as it's a trigger for him. This was about a year and a half ago and I mentioned how i'd like to set up another one recently. As we know, my H is not one to directly communicate his needs and rather than saying "I'd rather you didn't do that" he said "oh, do you really need one?".

I haven't set one up and don't intend to. I'm learning how to read him and it sounds like the same is happening for you.

I'm learning that BS's all have their own way of handling the aftermath of the destruction we cause. Some want to have access to everything, some don't. Making sure it's accessible to them, I think, is a great idea.

Has he asked for a timeline? Have you done one?

[This message edited by Trying33 at 1:20 AM, July 18th (Thursday)]

Alyssamd24 posted 7/18/2013 20:57 PM

Trying,
He has not asked for a timeline and I have not done one yet...I don't know how detailed a timeline is supposed to be but I don't really remember any of the dates or anything of when stuff happened...I am assuming I would need to have that on there?

pizzalover posted 7/20/2013 10:46 AM

I deleted my FB and Twitter after D -day. I realized that I spent A LOT of my time on there, even when I was around people. I was way too obsessive about checking it constantly. It kind of took over my life. It's nice not being tethered by it anymore.