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Newest Member: Jnair (61464)

User Topic: Am I being paranoid?
♀ 37946
Member # 37946
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, so I have been dating this guy for about 2 months. Things have progressed well and I really like him. I think he likes me too. At least it seemed that way until recently. He is very busy at work right now, with a huge project that is about to come to a head. Knowing that, I'm trying to be understanding. But, I feel like he is starting to distance himself. When we first started dating, he was very sweet and attentive. He would text me several times throughout the day- just sweet little messages. Now, I barely hear from him. He lives 2 hours away from me, so we don't see each other very often. So, the little messages mean a lot. They help me feel connected to him. When we talk on the phone at night, he still seems like everything is ok. We talk and laugh like normal. But, I miss the sweetness. And now he's questioning whether he'll be able to keep our date for this Thursday due to work. Am I reading too much into this? Or should I consider this as a red flag?? This is my first dating relationship post divorce. I have no idea what I'm doing or what to expect.

Me (BS)- 36
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S.
♀ 24961
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If things have been well up to this point I wouldn't take it as a red flag. He warned you work was bad right now, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.

Posts: 5919 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
♀ 30346
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Talk to him about it

me...BS, 46 years old.

Posts: 4738 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
♀ 36784
Member # 36784
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could have written your post word for word except mine lives 1 hour away and we don't talk as much on the phone.

I personally think it's a red flag.

It takes literally 2 seconds to send a text.

My guy and I have been texting for 2 and a half months, but have only seen each other 7 times. In the beginning he was texting like crazy. Several times a day, random stuff, long texts too, not just one word responses. I too valued these text messages because I knew we couldn't see each other that often.

Then suddenly about two weeks ago (the 2 month mark) they drastically changed. Sometimes I would send a text and he wouldn't reply. Hours would go by and nothing. Then if he did text, suddenly it was really short and generic.

I know he is glued to his phone. It is always on him. So when I don't get a reply, I know he is ignoring me. I don't keep send texts. If he backs off, I back off...that's just how I am. I'm not going to chase anyone...but to tell you the truth it does drive me nuts.

I also noticed when we are together, (his phone is on silence...kind of a trigger for me) he is constantly being contacted by someone. He is always looking at his phone and texting. He claims it's his kids. I don't know.

If you guys are talking like normal, then that is a good sign. But I'm with you, when I see a pattern shift, I think something is up.

Good luck! I hope it's nothing.

Divorced Jan 2013

"Don't look back, the road is long."
- Needtobreathe

Posts: 210 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: IL
♀ 37946
Member # 37946
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the input.

Cmego- I have talked to him. He assures me he's just super busy at work and things should calm down in a few weeks. So, I guess I just need to trust that. I realize I have some residual insecurity issues left over from my previous marriage. I'm working through them.

Lonelylost- I'm not worried about there being someone else. More that he's not interested in me. Again, that's my insecurity trying to tell me that I'm not good enough. Even though I know I am plenty good enough, those old feelings are hard to completely banish.

So, for now, I'm just going to try to be patient and see how things go for the next few weeks. Hopefully, it'll be ok.

Me (BS)- 36
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S.
♂ 33663
Member # 33663
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Breath!! This stuff can be very confusing at times. Given all of our histories it can be hard at times to assume the best. I am also dealing with this issue. I just finished posting about it yesterday! Hang in there! Breath! And tell him your feelings at a time he is not stressed about his project.

me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
3 wonderful but hurt kids

Posts: 334 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: milwaukee
♀ 32616
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

High levels of attention are usually necessary to get a relationship off the ground, but it is really difficult to maintain for the duration. Some non relationship responsibilities fall to the wayside during the honeymoon phase, get neglected, and then rear up again. If the relationship is placed on the backburner, it could be due to lack of interest, but it could also be due to growing comfortable in the relationship and thinking it is strong enough to survive while other responsibilities are tended to.

It’s good that you are still communicating well. I’d give it a little time and see if you can come up with other ways to give the relationship a little boost when you can connect. If he does have to cancel Thursday, perhaps you could replace it with plans for an even better date.

“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3640 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Topic Posts: 7

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