SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

STBX is living at his parents for the last 19 months (after I kicked him out). He takes the kids for visitation EOW. There has been a few weekends when the only time I even see him (most of the time I drop the kids off and pick them up) is on Sunday evening. I have from time to time called the house and realize that it's really his mother who is watching the kids and he is not even there. I have been keeping record of when he sees the kids and calls them when they are home with me. I suspect that his mother is covering for him.

Is it considered "visitation' if he actually wasn't even there with the kids the majority of the weekend?

Yeah, it's his parenting time. He's leaving the children with a blood relative...in my state, it counts.

Ex-shat will often leave Teslet in the care of stripper whore. I can make an issue of it (right of first refusal)...but he doesn't excercise his full parenting time as it is and at this point, the only thing being damaged is ex-shat's relationship with Teslet. Stripper whore is not negligent (she has to prove how awsome and loving she is to ex-shat)...so not a battle I'm willing to wage.

It sucks, it's not ideal...but your kiddos are in the care of their grandma. Do you have some reason to be concerned about her caretaking abilities?

I suppose it depends. If he suddenly goes after you for more than just EOW, then I think it should be addressed for sure.

If the kids are not being cared for adequately, or are bored and would rather be with you then it might be worth just telling him that if he has plans on his weekends, that he should let you know so grandma does not always have to babysit.

He mentioned a few weeks ago that he might begin to take the kids every weekend. I think he is thinking that if he takes them more, he can reduce the child support. He also told me that he would get back to me, but he hasn't said anything yet. STBX works a job where he has to work every other weekend, so I think he is either trying to get another job or he is trying to lower the child support. I definitely do not think it's because he wants to spend more time with his kids.

I don't ask them much about what they do when they are there, they tell me whatever is important to them. Sometimes they complain that all he does is sleep and leave them to play with their other cousins. I have the usual complaints when they are there--they eat junk when they are there, no regular bedtime, and many times when they are there for more than the 2 weekend days, no one gives them a shower. My kiddies are 5 and 8 and to have your kids come back home on Monday night wearing the same underwear that you put them in after their bath on Thursday makes my skin crawl.

So to answer the question about my MIL, I guess she is ok, but if no one is bathing the kids, I think I have reason to be concerned.