Above is the ink to my last post. I took the advice of several posters and reached out to DD18 by text. I said:
Your dad told me you have a new guy fried that dad thinks is unsuitable. I would love to hear your side. You have always chosen great friends in the past, and I am assuming this is the same, unless proven otherwise.
Well, the floodgates opened. She began by thanking me! She is crushed because NPD and GF don't trust her. She doesn't understand this change, and is really mad. She and I are going out to dinner tonight.
As I think about this weird reaction from NPD, I am starting to believe he is behaving like this because he is a predatory man, that chooses women he can manipulate (like the old me).
Because he is NPD, he assumes everyone is like him and he projects and has zero empathy, so therefore this young man is the same as himself.
So, he is on a rampage to get this guy out of DD18's life.
Anyway, DD18 is the golden child. So, this turn of events is not how her dad has ever treated her. How do I help her with the coming discard and devaluation that WILL be coming her way? What do I say and do to support her?
Thank you so much for all your support with this.
[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 10:42 AM, July 17th (Wednesday)]
How do I help her with the coming discard and devaluation that WILL be coming her way? What do I say and do to support her?
"And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be."
- Sarah McMane
In other words, worry less about prepping her for what is undoubtedly coming from her dad, and focus more on building trust and communication between the two of you.
I agree. Don't focus on what may come - focus on what is here and bothering her now, listen, support, and back away till needed. In between you keep it light and enjoy whatever good times come. Enjoy dinner!
[This message edited by Take2 at 4:25 PM, July 17th (Wednesday)]
Enjoy dinner. Girl time!!
FWIW, I agree with NIK's advice. I'd only offer advice if she asks. For now, focus on rebuilding your relationship and just be there for her.
WH#2 (SorryInSac) - 47
Together 8, M 5yrs. DDay 7/12/14
I filed for D 5/18/15.
He committed suicide 5/28/15.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).
I edit often for clarity/typos.
I think NIK's advice is spot on. Listen, focus on the relationship between the two of you. I'm really SO happy for you lady.
Status: D 2011
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling