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Update on weird text exchange with Npd-x

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Chrysalis123 posted 7/17/2013 10:40 AM

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=501647&HL=27148

Above is the ink to my last post. I took the advice of several posters and reached out to DD18 by text. I said:

Your dad told me you have a new guy fried that dad thinks is unsuitable. I would love to hear your side. You have always chosen great friends in the past, and I am assuming this is the same, unless proven otherwise.

Well, the floodgates opened. She began by thanking me! She is crushed because NPD and GF don't trust her. She doesn't understand this change, and is really mad. She and I are going out to dinner tonight.

As I think about this weird reaction from NPD, I am starting to believe he is behaving like this because he is a predatory man, that chooses women he can manipulate (like the old me).

Because he is NPD, he assumes everyone is like him and he projects and has zero empathy, so therefore this young man is the same as himself.

So, he is on a rampage to get this guy out of DD18's life.

Anyway, DD18 is the golden child. So, this turn of events is not how her dad has ever treated her. How do I help her with the coming discard and devaluation that WILL be coming her way? What do I say and do to support her?

Thank you so much for all your support with this.

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 10:42 AM, July 17th (Wednesday)]

dmari posted 7/17/2013 11:52 AM

This is GREAT Chrysalis123!! I am sooo happy for you!! What a beautiful way to reach out to her! Enjoy your dinner!

tesla posted 7/17/2013 15:35 PM

Chrysalis, this is great! I hope the tiny crack in the door swings a bit wider during dinner!

nowiknow23 posted 7/17/2013 15:44 PM

So glad things are opening up between you two. Dinner is a great start.

How do I help her with the coming discard and devaluation that WILL be coming her way? What do I say and do to support her?
I think you mostly say and do nothing - just listen. Validate her feelings and encourage her in expressing herself freely with you. In other words, worry less about prepping her for what is undoubtedly coming from her dad, and focus more on building trust and communication between the two of you. She will likely need that in the days ahead.

Take2 posted 7/17/2013 16:25 PM

Yay! This is great. As for the future.

In other words, worry less about prepping her for what is undoubtedly coming from her dad, and focus more on building trust and communication between the two of you.

I agree. Don't focus on what may come - focus on what is here and bothering her now, listen, support, and back away till needed. In between you keep it light and enjoy whatever good times come. Enjoy dinner!

Take2 posted 7/17/2013 16:25 PM

double tap...

[This message edited by Take2 at 4:25 PM, July 17th (Wednesday)]

caregiver9000 posted 7/17/2013 16:27 PM

What heartwarming news!

Enjoy dinner. Girl time!!

GabyBaby posted 7/17/2013 16:35 PM

Awesome news!

FWIW, I agree with NIK's advice. I'd only offer advice if she asks. For now, focus on rebuilding your relationship and just be there for her.

Coraline posted 7/17/2013 22:26 PM

I'm so sorry she's going through this, but so happy for you to have some positive interaction with her! I hope it continues!

Coraline posted 7/17/2013 22:26 PM

I'm so sorry she's going through this, but so happy for you to have some positive interaction with her! I hope it continues!

Coraline posted 7/17/2013 22:26 PM

I'm so sorry she's going through this, but so happy for you to have some positive interaction with her! I hope it continues!

persevere posted 7/17/2013 22:52 PM

I'm so sorry she has to deal with this too, but if he's NPD it was inevitable, and I am so impressed that you reached out to her in such an amazing way. Awesome job momma!!!

I think NIK's advice is spot on. Listen, focus on the relationship between the two of you. I'm really SO happy for you lady.

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