D-day #1 August 2011, D-day (?) #2 July 15...
(semi long) I am incredibly tired, both mentally and physically and lost at the moment so please excuse the typos and failure to abbreviate. I just need to vent or talk to someone.
My wife walked out Monday after we had a great vacation in June and a great birthday trip this weekend. We have been together 13 years, lost children to miscarriages in 2008 and 2010, put W in counseling in 2010 due to the miscarriages as well as her being an abuse victim as a child, W had affair in 2011 and we separated (I asked her to leave)
I then executed “the 180" plan to the max (after joining this site), within 3 weeks she called and agreed to end the “A” and go to counseling. She wound up on a large dose of prozac and sleeping meds. She moved back home shortly thereafter. We went to counseling in 2011 and 2012 and until a few months ago things were progressing well. We had even discussed adoption, future retirement plans, etc etc. I began to notice her physically pulling away in April and talking less and less to me outside of necessary conversation. Her mood was best described as numb and unaffectionate. We have always been the type of couple to hold hands, hug and show affection. This all stopped in the spring along with any sex or talking.
Sensing something was wrong I scheduled a 10 day trip to an all-inclusive resort in June and took a couple of weeks off work when we returned. The vacation was great, we smiled, laughed, and spent some beach time together and I discounted my feelings that something was wrong. When we returned from vacation her mood again turned numb.
This past weekend we took a weekend trip for my birthday and, while she was a little numb acting (going thru the motions) she smile and laughed and seemed to have a good time, we even had sex on Sunday after our return.
Monday morning (15th) I awoke to get dressed for work. She met me in our den, told me to sit down, and immediately said “I want a divorce, I am not seeing anyone else, I am just unhappy. You have treated me great but I am miserable and want to divorce” followed by the standard “I love you, but I am not IN love with you, your like a good family member and best friend and I want out” she added that she will not attend counseling this time because it “obviously did no good”.
She has been in my presence (or confirmed places like work) since the spring and the signs I saw in 2011 are not there. This time is totally different and spooky. I am not sure this can be fixed.
Right now I am tired, sad, embarrassed, shamed and feeling less than a man for not being able to make my marriage work. I love this little lady more than I can say and have always provided for her, showed her affection and been her venting board. Now this....
Sorry to ramble but I am just sick. I made an appointment to see our marriage counselor alone today to fill her in on these events, but coming home to an empty house, empty closet and our failures is too much to bear.
Please keep me in your prayers as I try to navigate this. Any advice is appreciated. PM if you want I will check the site often (as I did 2 years ago). I am really scared to start over at 49 years old with no family, almost scared sick, not to mention the fact that I still love my wife. Keep me in your thoughts.... I just needed to talk.
No Children (lost 2 miscarriage)
WA- June 2011
Separated Aug 2011
Counseling- Oct 2011
Reconciled- Dec 2011
Cont'd Counseling Jan-Jun 2012
Separated- Jul 2013