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User
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Topic: I have lost my fave band - triggering hard
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UndecidedinMA
♀ 33732
Member # 33732 |  Posted: 12:33 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013 |     |
My FWSO wants to go to see the band Journey. It was always "our" favorite band, so I was excited.
Then I started to say, I had so much seeing them with a GF 2 years ago. UH OH, it just clicked. I dug out the tickets, yes I save those stubs. You bet that was the night of his ONS with xDBC.
He has no idea I have put the dates together. I cannot go, I just can't. I would spend the whole night a mess. 
So I have lost my fave band, even though R is going good the fallout keeps sneaking up.
I am dreading this convo but I have to tell FWSO the deal.
ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R
Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA |
karmahappens
♀ 35846
Member # 35846 | | Posted: 12:43 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013 | |
Hey...gimme a minute.
I am pulling off my bitch boots, it appears you need to borrow them, for yourself 
Seriously. Can you reconsider? Can you just take this back ?
Maybe remove the thought from your head that you will be a mess.
Give yourself the ok to go and not be a mess, but to be meh...you may just find you have a great time.
The A and it's aftermath take so much from us, please don't let it take anymore.
Don't give it, them, him or her that much power.
(((hugs))) and strength [This message edited by karmahappens at 12:44 PM, July 17th (Wednesday)]
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd
Posts: 4012 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts |
Garnet
♀ 39070
Member # 39070 | | Posted: 1:01 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013 | |
You go see journey for you!! Don't let the affair ruin a great time to make new memories for you and your husband!! Take charge and have fun for you!! Love journey and girls from MA!!! Haha
Garnet☀
Posts: 84 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: MA |
Skan
♀ 35812
Member # 35812 | | Posted: 2:12 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013 | |
Go. Please go. Get yourself all dressed up, have a great dinner, and then go rock out. Journey is YOUR band you go take them back and put them back on your play list.
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Posts: 9617 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California |
ladies_first
♀ 24643
Member # 24643 | | Posted: 4:48 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013 | |
Don't stop believin'
]Hold on to the feelin'
Wow! You just gave away your FAVORITE band to a ONS? Who's in charge here?
Music can be magical and, IMHO, has healing properties.
Make FWSO pay for the Journey tickets. GO! See what happens...
Bet you get swept away by the positive energy!!
]Hold on to the feelin'
"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway
Posts: 2144 | Registered: Jun 2009 |
FeelsSoRight
♀ 28377
Member # 28377 | | Posted: 5:26 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013 | |
When my H & I were S'd, he saw a woman who was also a Sammy Hagar fanatic like me. He actually tried to sneak some of my stuff out when he was getting "his stuff". So I politely took all my Sammy stuff to my parents' house. LOL
But I have to say - and I'm a true "Redhead" (Sammy superfan) - I even have a tattoo...but for quite awhile after we R'd, I still had a really hard time with anything Sammy for awhile. But I have overcome it now - just takes time - and we are going to see him Aug.31st here and I can't wait!
Don't let them take Journey away from you...just don't.
Me - W - 48
Him - H - 47
Together since we were 14/15
Married 27 yrs in August (renewed our vows in 2011-H's idea!)
DD-23, DS-15
Separated for 7 mos & were 3 wks from divorce when we reconciled
Happily R for almost 4 years
Posts: 1451 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: MO |
ladies_first
♀ 24643
Member # 24643 | | Posted: 8:01 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013 | |
By my count:
Journey: 5
affair: 0
Unscientifically, that's Journey 100%
"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway
Posts: 2144 | Registered: Jun 2009 |
HurtButHopeful?
♀ 25144
Member # 25144 | | Posted: 8:13 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013 | |
Journey!!
With as loud and crazy as it will be at the concert, you won't have time to think about the A.
Go! Go!! Go!!!
Resources for R:
His Needs Her Needs, by Dr. Willard Harley
Love Busters, by Dr. Willard Harley
(for husbands) Becoming the Ultimate Husband, by Reb Bradley
Posts: 1729 | Registered: Aug 2009 |
UndecidedinMA
♀ 33732
Member # 33732 | | Posted: 8:44 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013 | |
thank you guys so much!!
HE knew something was up when he got home. It all came spilling out. He was horrified that I could put the date that specific, DUH not stupid.
Well turns out he had weekend planned. They are couple hours north of us. He booked weekend away, made plans for sky dive(we always wanted to do that together).
So I am gonna try to take them back. I know & now he knows we may have moments but we shall see.
I know actual PA was a ONS but the EA went on for a few months.
ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R
Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA |
karmahappens
♀ 35846
Member # 35846 | | Posted: 8:50 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013 | |
Good for you! Have a blast !
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd
Posts: 4012 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts |
sodamnlost
♀ 37190
Member # 37190 | | Posted: 9:09 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013 | |
Good for you!!! I had the biggest crush on Steve Perry in middle school - I'm jealous!
Me - BS original Dday 10-2012, separated June 2014, divorce Fall 2016
Grief, loss and pain taunt her - "you will never be the same." Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, she rises and spreads her new wings as she brushes off the ashes an
Posts: 772 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Out of the ashes |
shatteredheart7
♀ 39734
Member # 39734 | | Posted: 9:23 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013 | |
Good for you!
I have found the best way to deal with my triggers is HEAD ON COLLISION! I refuse to let his A take anything else away from me! But I am known by many as the most stubborn person they know so...
Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!
Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013 |
cissi
♀ 21737
Member # 21737 | | Posted: 10:37 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013 | |
Good for you!!! I had the biggest crush on Steve Perry in middle school - I'm jealous!
Too bad he isn't with the group anymore. Love, love his voice.
Or, is he back with them?? When they play at the casino here, it's not with him.
Posts: 1541 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: SoCal |
UndecidedinMA
♀ 33732
Member # 33732 | | Posted: 9:24 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013 | |
No he has major health issues so unfortunately Steve Perry is retired.
Their new lead singer was actually found in the Phillipines at either some talent thing or Youtube - can't remember. He sounds just like him.
ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R
Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA |
karmahappens
♀ 35846
Member # 35846 | | Posted: 5:39 AM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013 | |
When is your weekend away Undecided?
I hope you update us on what a great time you had. I really think you are going to surprise yourself.
(((hugs)))
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd
Posts: 4012 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts |
| Topic Posts: 15 | |
