I feel like I am caught in this vicious spin cycle of waking up in denial of what my husband has done to me, to my life and my children's lives. And as the day progresses, and the reality of it sets in, the anger rises. By the time he is home for the day, I am so angry I can spit. Has anyone else experienced this?
We are just a year out from D-DAY and this is also affair season. I am sure that both are HUGE contributing factors.
I was unable to have my IC appt this week and won't have it next week (IC is on vacation), I have NO support where I live (just recently moved 45 minutes away from all of my friends) and my family is 3000 miles away.
To add a nice little cherry on top, I got a call from my father at 2 AM (ET) that my mother had (what they believed was) a Grand Mal seizure and was taken by ambulance to the hospital. Now that she has been admitted, they believe it may have been a stroke. She *just* got out of the hospital on Monday due to MRSA at the incision site of the back surgery she had three weeks ago. This could be related to the possible stroke.
I feel like I might literally break.
I had a day like you describe yesterday, but mine go to numb and lifeless, vice anger. I woke up, feeling good, helped move a boat, went to work, had a pretty good day, picked up FWH from work feeling a bit flat, dropped him at his class feeling a bit down, went home, and had a full meltdown crying and wailing in the shower so the neighbors wouldn't hear. Got myself together and picked him up and was absolutely numb and lifeless. Came home with barely enough energy to crawl into bed and laid there awake for hours. And he did all the right things, asking after me, trying to cater to me, coming up to bed to be with me instead of getting involved in stuff in the house. But I was just a dead lump of flesh taking up room in the bed.
(((hugs))) I'd like to unplug this washing machine too.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Everyday I just have to make it to bedtime, right?
I am sorry about your parents. I think losing my dad is one of my biggest fears. I think that beside my kids, he is the only person who has ever truly valued me.