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It feels like 50 First Dates from hell!

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freelancer posted 7/17/2013 12:58 PM

With a lot less pineapple. And no Adam Sandler.

I feel like I am caught in this vicious spin cycle of waking up in denial of what my husband has done to me, to my life and my children's lives. And as the day progresses, and the reality of it sets in, the anger rises. By the time he is home for the day, I am so angry I can spit. Has anyone else experienced this?

We are just a year out from D-DAY and this is also affair season. I am sure that both are HUGE contributing factors.

I was unable to have my IC appt this week and won't have it next week (IC is on vacation), I have NO support where I live (just recently moved 45 minutes away from all of my friends) and my family is 3000 miles away.

To add a nice little cherry on top, I got a call from my father at 2 AM (ET) that my mother had (what they believed was) a Grand Mal seizure and was taken by ambulance to the hospital. Now that she has been admitted, they believe it may have been a stroke. She *just* got out of the hospital on Monday due to MRSA at the incision site of the back surgery she had three weeks ago. This could be related to the possible stroke.

I feel like I might literally break.

Skan posted 7/17/2013 13:40 PM

(((hugs))) I'm so sorry about your mother. This on top of everything else must just make you frantic. I hope you can carve out some time to go see her.

I had a day like you describe yesterday, but mine go to numb and lifeless, vice anger. I woke up, feeling good, helped move a boat, went to work, had a pretty good day, picked up FWH from work feeling a bit flat, dropped him at his class feeling a bit down, went home, and had a full meltdown crying and wailing in the shower so the neighbors wouldn't hear. Got myself together and picked him up and was absolutely numb and lifeless. Came home with barely enough energy to crawl into bed and laid there awake for hours. And he did all the right things, asking after me, trying to cater to me, coming up to bed to be with me instead of getting involved in stuff in the house. But I was just a dead lump of flesh taking up room in the bed.

(((hugs))) I'd like to unplug this washing machine too.

Crushed1 posted 7/17/2013 14:20 PM

((((freelancer)))) So sorry about your mother and the other issues plaguing you presently.

freelancer posted 7/18/2013 07:29 AM

Thanks, Skan and Crushed. We are still waiting on news on my mother. EEG results, I'm told.

Everyday I just have to make it to bedtime, right?

5454real posted 7/18/2013 07:45 AM

Dang, sorry you're here. I well know the fear you have. My sitch was reversed though. Mom had some kind of seizure(believe it or not almost a year long) and my Dad died just about a year before FWW's affair. It's a lot of shit on your plate, no question. However, the 2 little ones deserve better(1 in my case) than just making it to bedtime.

Sending/sharing MOJO.


freelancer posted 7/18/2013 08:37 AM

5454, you are right, they definitely deserve better than just making it to bedtime. I should have been more specific on that. To me, that means faking it for them, until they have made it through a day as normal as possible. I am doing my best to stay engaged with them, yesterday my 5 year old read 9 books to me (seriously!) while my 2 year old napped. And we go to the gym daily, for them and for me. I am really trying, but sometimes I need to remind myself I only have to make it to bedtime for today to count.

I am sorry about your parents. I think losing my dad is one of my biggest fears. I think that beside my kids, he is the only person who has ever truly valued me.

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