We met with a MC for the first time since the affair. WH has been asking me back, but apparently still seeing OW up until about a week and a half ago. She discovered pics on my FB, went off on WH,hates him now because he violated boundaries by being with me (she's apparently big on boundaries) and we said we'd talk to a counselor to see if we can possibly consider R.
I'm not certain I can. But when the MC asked us both what our goals for therapy were, mine were to try to save the marriage. WH said "to never lose my wife as a friend whether the marriage works out or whether we divorce."
Seems like a tall order for a MC if you ask me.
Anyway, the session went well, him admitting to stuff I never knew before. (do discoveries ever friggen end??) and at one point he told the counselor that he honestly feels he's in love with two women, to which the counselor said "too much information for your wife" and told him that won't make me rebuild trust, rebuild a bond with him and if he needs to express himself to me it needs to be how sorry he is for hurting me and how comitted he is to the marriage.
But...his opening. Not wanting to lose my friendship as his goal of therapy. Sorry, but for me anyway, if the marriage doesn't work out its because he violated my trust again, broke NC, or just refused to commit and "being his friend" won't be do-able for me. Its not emotional blackmail either. Its reality. Not "oh well, never mind the marriage. You're my buddy and always will be honey."
Sick of him saying stuff like that. I'm to the point of "in or out"
One single slip up, and I'm finished. Techinically I already was finished, but interesting turn of events recently and I am curious what MC has to offer.
In general the session was great.
She told WH that OW continuing to contact him was a violation of boundaries despite how good her intentions seem to him. Hilarious because he got the "boundary" talk from OW so much, it used to drive him nuts he said. He's getting boundary discussion from all sides and he's cracking. So great.
So, him being in love with two women is what will keep me from moving back with him.
MC thinks we can work through his feelings for her, but I don't know if I have the patience to deal with that.