Although I'm still not sure if I *really* love my WH or will be in love again, things are getting better. He is working on himself- MC is helping him (more than me) as it's psychodynamic and his FOO contributed greatly to his infidelity. It's also helping him become more open, with me, and with others. He has said, "I need to up my game" in regards to me, that he needs to remember that it's okay to talk. He is very understanding when I'm triggering or having a bad day- like today. I was clearly angry and sad and he asked me if I was. I denied it at first, but then said I was. He kissed me and told me he loved and adored me, was sorry and he couldn't believe what he has done to me and us. He asked if he could do anything for me- did I want a hug, or to talk, or for him to go away. i settled on, "a cup of tea".
I've also started to instigate affection more. I still sometimes flinch when he touches me, but I am touching him more.
I started antidepressants yesterday. Difficult times but there we go. They're for the massive panic attacks I keep having, which he's been understanding about.
But things are getting better. I am triggering less and feel better about things, but with our 1st anniversary next month, remains to be seen!