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kickboxer posted 7/18/2013 00:26 AM

I can't even find the words. Fifteen years...three children...our home, our life, our everything.


Five days in and dying on the inside.

TrustNoOne posted 7/18/2013 00:36 AM


The early days are agony.

Be kind to yourself. Breathe. Drink plenty of fluids. Eat something if you can. If food isn't an option, try a smoothie with protein. If you do nothing else, take care of you. Remember the airline rules of "put your oxygen mask on you can help others". It applies in this case.

Success is one minute at a time...breathe. Breathe again. And again.

Impossible to believe right now but you will find your smile again. There will be happy days again.

Breathe. Breathe again. And again. Deep cleansing breaths.

((((kickboxer)))) I'm sorry you've joined the club noone wants to join. I can say, you're fortunate to have found this site. Nowhere else will you find as many genuine, caring, concerned and compassionate souls who have walked your path, and survived - thrived even.

You do not have to make any decisions today, or tomorrow, or the day after that.

Right now - just breathe. Breathe again. And again....deeep breaths.

I'm so sorry.

kansas1968 posted 7/18/2013 00:38 AM

Welcome to the place that you never wanted to be. We all know exactly what you are feeling, and "horrified" is a pretty good start on these feelings.
This is the absolute best place that you could be. You have many, many, people, that have dealt with just the pain that you are dealing with right now.

Take a breath. You need to try and accept that this has happened, and that you can survive it. The pain is the same for all of us, no matter the situation. It does not matter, how long you have been married, whether you have children, whether you thing that you husband is the love of your life, doesn't matter. The pain is the same and we have all been through it.

One of our posters said it best. " I never knew that there was this much pain in the world."

Keep posting and you will receive support, compassion, and the best advice you will ever get. So, so, sorry you have to be here, but you CAN get through this. Hugs and all the love I can send you. K

Duffy1958 posted 7/18/2013 00:49 AM

Dear Kickboxer,
Slow down babe. Honest. Shake yourself & cause yourself to slow down. You can do it. The early days are the worst. It is overwhelming. You think about everything at once. All may or may not be lost but it is altered. Lots & lots of people survive this. You will too. We are here for you. Please keep us posted!

HurtButHopeful? posted 7/18/2013 00:50 AM


You are not alone. We know how horrified and shattered you are. We know the physical pain of dying on the inside, like our heart has actually been cut out.

Please keep posting. Try to drink fluids, even if you can't eat. You probably can't sleep either...go to your doc and get sleep need to sleep.

Look at the upper left hand corner of your screen. See the yellow box? Open the Healing Library, and you will find articles to help you know what to expect of yourself, of your cheating significant other, stragegies, etc.

A cyber hug for you, kickboxer.


sri624 posted 7/18/2013 00:56 AM

hugs to you...i am so sorry you are here. i know this hurts deeply.

we are all here for you...every step of the way.

please post often...we are here for you.

1969skidoo posted 7/18/2013 00:59 AM

[This message edited by 1969skidoo at 1:02 AM, July 18th (Thursday)]

Nest2007 posted 7/18/2013 02:45 AM

We've all been there - that blinding, agonizing, crushing, consuming pain. We wonder if we will ever NOT feel this anguish. It takes time, but each day that passes, it gets a tiny bit better. Cry. Weep. Let it out. Hugs to you...

Ostrich80 posted 7/18/2013 03:14 AM

I'm so sorry sucks but you've come to the right place. Keep.posting, the support here is amazing.

damaged71 posted 7/18/2013 07:39 AM

First off I know where you are coming from. Read my signature line below. It says it all.

I am a veteran, have buried a parent after a terminal illness, nothing remotely compares to this.

I remember when I was a 19 year old paratrooper in a foreign land. I had my worst day. I had been shot at, I was physically exhausted, I was homesick beyond words, I was filthy and there was no immediate end in sight. I said to myself, this is the worst day of my life. It only gets better from here.

I had no idea. I would have gladly spent a month of those days over and over and over just to skip one of the days after D-day.

It will get better. I know it doesn't seem like it but it will. Take the advice above and just breathe. Go to the doc and get something to get you by for a couple of weeks. Trust me, it's worth it.

I am sorry for all of this I truly am. I remember thinking I wish someone would have told me that hurt like this even existed.

You are like gold being refined in the fire. The you that comes out on the other side of this is better....

Good luck.

[This message edited by damaged71 at 7:40 AM, July 18th (Thursday)]

Lalagirl posted 7/18/2013 07:45 AM


We're here for you.

I echo the other posters: breathe, hydrate, nourish, and if you cannot sleep or are severely anxious or depressed, please call your doctor. This is not his or her first go-round at hearing something like this and you have nothing to be ashamed of. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG...never believe it was your fault.

Keep posting, hug your children...

Sending you strength & lots of cyber hugs,


JanaGreen posted 7/18/2013 07:48 AM

I'm so sorry. You WILL get through this. You WILL. and it WILL get better.


1Faith posted 7/18/2013 10:13 AM


We are here and we care. It is a long road but YOU CAN MAKE IT. You can and will. I promise.

Post often and keep your head up.

Read all you can in the Healing Library and know that you are not alone.

Seek IC (individual counseling) and take care of you and your babies.


allatsea posted 7/18/2013 10:18 AM


Your few short words in one sentence struck a chord with me (and many others I'm sure) and my heart went out to you.

We know. We know and we can help you through this.

[This message edited by allatsea at 10:19 AM, July 18th (Thursday)]

Ic620 posted 7/18/2013 11:28 AM

I am in the same boat. Hurts like hell right now. You are not alone.

OldCow18 posted 7/18/2013 11:38 AM


15 years for me too, 2 kids. I'm almost 6 weeks in. I'm so sorry to have to welcome you here.

undonelife posted 7/18/2013 12:56 PM

Yes you are shattered. We know how you feel. You can get thru this. I remember praying every night that I would just die in my sleep so I could stop the hurt. There is nothing more painful. Its okay to feel this way. Its normal. You life is changed forever.

Blobette posted 7/18/2013 12:59 PM


People here CARE and understand. Let it all out, hon.

Jospehine85 posted 7/18/2013 17:04 PM

(((kickboxer))) start reading in the Healing Library. Read the forums. Reach out to the good people on here for help.

Elaine2012 posted 7/18/2013 17:52 PM

((((kickboxer))) I'm sorry you find yourself here. The shock is horrifying and numbing. I'm so glad you have found SI you will find so much support from those who have walked this journey. Come here to process the grief it helps so much.

Do not share SI with your WH it is your safe place to vent and find comfort.

Do you have someone IRL (in real life) that can support you as you make it through the first few weeks.

Don't let your WH tell you that this is your fault! There is nothing that justifies him having an affair. NOTHING! It is soul crushing and devastating that the person who is supposed to protect you and your family has instead betrayed the vows that were made between you.

I can tell you at a year out that it does get better. You will make it through. You will smile again.

Be gentle with yourself self care is essential. As others have said see your doctor for sleep meds. Allow yourself to take care of just the basic for your family.

Remember to breath! I promise it will be better I know it's hard to believe I doubted it when it began but life is better.

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