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Newest Member: sponger77 (61470)

User Topic: Horrified
♀ 39858
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 12:26 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't even find the words. Fifteen years...three children...our home, our life, our everything.


Five days in and dying on the inside.

BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 15 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 253 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
♀ 16591
Member # 16591
Default  Posted: 12:36 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


The early days are agony.

Be kind to yourself. Breathe. Drink plenty of fluids. Eat something if you can. If food isn't an option, try a smoothie with protein. If you do nothing else, take care of you. Remember the airline rules of "put your oxygen mask on you can help others". It applies in this case.

Success is one minute at a time...breathe. Breathe again. And again.

Impossible to believe right now but you will find your smile again. There will be happy days again.

Breathe. Breathe again. And again. Deep cleansing breaths.

((((kickboxer)))) I'm sorry you've joined the club noone wants to join. I can say, you're fortunate to have found this site. Nowhere else will you find as many genuine, caring, concerned and compassionate souls who have walked your path, and survived - thrived even.

You do not have to make any decisions today, or tomorrow, or the day after that.

Right now - just breathe. Breathe again. And again....deeep breaths.

I'm so sorry.

Posts: 1371 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: San Diego
♀ 32214
Member # 32214
Default  Posted: 12:38 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to the place that you never wanted to be. We all know exactly what you are feeling, and "horrified" is a pretty good start on these feelings.
This is the absolute best place that you could be. You have many, many, people, that have dealt with just the pain that you are dealing with right now.

Take a breath. You need to try and accept that this has happened, and that you can survive it. The pain is the same for all of us, no matter the situation. It does not matter, how long you have been married, whether you have children, whether you thing that you husband is the love of your life, doesn't matter. The pain is the same and we have all been through it.

One of our posters said it best. " I never knew that there was this much pain in the world."

Keep posting and you will receive support, compassion, and the best advice you will ever get. So, so, sorry you have to be here, but you CAN get through this. Hugs and all the love I can send you. K

Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1373 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas
♀ 39755
Member # 39755
Default  Posted: 12:49 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Kickboxer,
Slow down babe. Honest. Shake yourself & cause yourself to slow down. You can do it. The early days are the worst. It is overwhelming. You think about everything at once. All may or may not be lost but it is altered. Lots & lots of people survive this. You will too. We are here for you. Please keep us posted!

Me-SAHW soon 55
Him-asshat age 60
Married 3.5 years together 13.5
Step-children 8 altogether Grandchildren.
Cheaters are the same yesterday, today & forever. They may have different caveats but they lie the same & pull the same shit.

Where i

Posts: 114 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
♀ 25144
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 12:50 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You are not alone. We know how horrified and shattered you are. We know the physical pain of dying on the inside, like our heart has actually been cut out.

Please keep posting. Try to drink fluids, even if you can't eat. You probably can't sleep either...go to your doc and get sleep need to sleep.

Look at the upper left hand corner of your screen. See the yellow box? Open the Healing Library, and you will find articles to help you know what to expect of yourself, of your cheating significant other, stragegies, etc.

A cyber hug for you, kickboxer.


Resources for R:
His Needs Her Needs, by Dr. Willard Harley
Love Busters, by Dr. Willard Harley
(for husbands) Becoming the Ultimate Husband, by Reb Bradley

Posts: 1729 | Registered: Aug 2009
♀ 33956
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 12:56 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hugs to you...i am so sorry you are here. i know this hurts deeply.

we are all here for you...every step of the way.

please post often...we are here for you.

BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance

Posts: 1065 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
♂ 39860
Member # 39860
Default  Posted: 12:59 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by 1969skidoo at 1:02 AM, July 18th (Thursday)]

Posts: 5 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ 39532
Member # 39532
Default  Posted: 2:45 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We've all been there - that blinding, agonizing, crushing, consuming pain. We wonder if we will ever NOT feel this anguish. It takes time, but each day that passes, it gets a tiny bit better. Cry. Weep. Let it out. Hugs to you...

BS 35
WS 31
DD, only child
DDay: 06/09/13
End of TT/Full Disclosure 07/08/13

Reconciling. A stronger marriage now.

Psalm 37. It rocks my world. So does 140. Big guy upstairs has got it all figured out.

Posts: 230 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Here and there...
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:14 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry sucks but you've come to the right place. Keep.posting, the support here is amazing.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5738 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
♂ 36004
Member # 36004
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First off I know where you are coming from. Read my signature line below. It says it all.

I am a veteran, have buried a parent after a terminal illness, nothing remotely compares to this.

I remember when I was a 19 year old paratrooper in a foreign land. I had my worst day. I had been shot at, I was physically exhausted, I was homesick beyond words, I was filthy and there was no immediate end in sight. I said to myself, this is the worst day of my life. It only gets better from here.

I had no idea. I would have gladly spent a month of those days over and over and over just to skip one of the days after D-day.

It will get better. I know it doesn't seem like it but it will. Take the advice above and just breathe. Go to the doc and get something to get you by for a couple of weeks. Trust me, it's worth it.

I am sorry for all of this I truly am. I remember thinking I wish someone would have told me that hurt like this even existed.

You are like gold being refined in the fire. The you that comes out on the other side of this is better....

Good luck.

[This message edited by damaged71 at 7:40 AM, July 18th (Thursday)]

I didn't know there was this much emotional pain in the universe!
Me 42
Her 44
D-day 5.18.12
Currently in R

Posts: 377 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: damaged71
♀ 14576
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


We're here for you.

I echo the other posters: breathe, hydrate, nourish, and if you cannot sleep or are severely anxious or depressed, please call your doctor. This is not his or her first go-round at hearing something like this and you have nothing to be ashamed of. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG...never believe it was your fault.

Keep posting, hug your children...

Sending you strength & lots of cyber hugs,


Me - 52; FWH - 54
Married 34 years 9/2/17
2 grown daughters-33 & 30
8yo GS,4yo GD & 3yo. GD (DD33) and 5 yo GD & 1 yo GD(DD30). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 6235 | Registered: May 2007
♀ 29341
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. You WILL get through this. You WILL. and it WILL get better.


Proud mom to a lovely young lady and a sweet little boy.

Posts: 8442 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Southeast US
♀ 38975
Member # 38975
Sad  Posted: 10:13 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


We are here and we care. It is a long road but YOU CAN MAKE IT. You can and will. I promise.

Post often and keep your head up.

Read all you can in the Healing Library and know that you are not alone.

Seek IC (individual counseling) and take care of you and your babies.


Sometimes my life feels like a test I didn't study for

Posts: 3313 | Registered: Apr 2013
♂ 38923
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Your few short words in one sentence struck a chord with me (and many others I'm sure) and my heart went out to you.

We know. We know and we can help you through this.

[This message edited by allatsea at 10:19 AM, July 18th (Thursday)]

You can't fix crazy. All you can do is document it

Posts: 781 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
♀ 39864
Member # 39864
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am in the same boat. Hurts like hell right now. You are not alone.

Posts: 5 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Lewisville
♀ 39670
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


15 years for me too, 2 kids. I'm almost 6 weeks in. I'm so sorry to have to welcome you here.

Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 38421
Member # 38421
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes you are shattered. We know how you feel. You can get thru this. I remember praying every night that I would just die in my sleep so I could stop the hurt. There is nothing more painful. Its okay to feel this way. Its normal. You life is changed forever.

Me: BS 53 Him: WH 51
M: 28 years
DDay 1 1986 EA Confessed,Rugswept
DDay 2 11/25/2012 EA/PA Caught
TT 9/9/13 Lies,Pictures
In R
OW:20 yrs younger M-CwOW

Posts: 228 | Registered: Feb 2013
♀ 36519
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


People here CARE and understand. Let it all out, hon.

BS (me): 51
WS: 52
Married: 27 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1064 | Registered: Aug 2012
♀ 35971
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((kickboxer))) start reading in the Healing Library. Read the forums. Reach out to the good people on here for help.

Me - BS
WH - old
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 1569 | Registered: Jun 2012
♀ 36099
Member # 36099
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((kickboxer))) I'm sorry you find yourself here. The shock is horrifying and numbing. I'm so glad you have found SI you will find so much support from those who have walked this journey. Come here to process the grief it helps so much.

Do not share SI with your WH it is your safe place to vent and find comfort.

Do you have someone IRL (in real life) that can support you as you make it through the first few weeks.

Don't let your WH tell you that this is your fault! There is nothing that justifies him having an affair. NOTHING! It is soul crushing and devastating that the person who is supposed to protect you and your family has instead betrayed the vows that were made between you.

I can tell you at a year out that it does get better. You will make it through. You will smile again.

Be gentle with yourself self care is essential. As others have said see your doctor for sleep meds. Allow yourself to take care of just the basic for your family.

Remember to breath! I promise it will be better I know it's hard to believe I doubted it when it began but life is better.

Me- 55
WH-who cares
Divorced - May 22, 2014
Dday - Blindsided July 2012
Married 35 years
4 adult DD's, 2 SIL, 3 grandchildren

Posts: 299 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: I'm surrounded by majestic mountain ranges
Topic Posts: 49
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