I feel kind of bad posting this alongside all the other posts about husbands and wives, but I was directed here because someone thought it would help.
I don't even know where to start my story, so I guess I'll just go chronologically. About a year ago, my girlfriend(?) of now almost 3.5 years went on an exchange trip to China and made a new friend who I'll refer to a J from this point out. I did not know about J until she was back in the states and started spending an uncomfortable amount of time with him. At the time, she was finish her final year of college and Pittsburgh and I had moved to LA for a job. Our plan was that she'd finish school and move out here since the area since we could both find work.
Jump forward a little bit of time, and we start to have fights about how I am uncomfortable with the type of friendship she has with J. I was a little surprised by all this since when we first got together, I was very open about how the last major relationship I have been in ended when she re-connected with a childhood friend and one thing led to another and she wound up cheating on me and that was the end of that. Like I said, I made my history well known early on and she we beyond resistant to my complaints/issues with her new friendship.
We have a few visits during the long distance thing, and things seem ok. I ask if I can meet J a couple of times since I'm trying to become more ok with her having a really close male friend, but he's always out of town or something. Now that I'm writing it down, I feel beyond nieve.
I have to break time line and explain a few things quickly now. The gf assumed that the entire time we were apart I was cheating on her/she kinda assumed that the moment she moved out here I was gonna meet her at the airport smile, and say "so long kid, you're on your own" after how hard long distance was on both of us. She assumed wrong, and I waited and was faithful the entire time, regardless as to how bad it got.
Continuing, more time passes, and we have a bad fight during May (I pick that month because that's when she said the incident occurred) and (her words) she wanted to hurt me and make me as miserable as she was that night. One thing leads to another, and her and J sleep together.
Around this time, I begin to get really suspicious, but it was less then a month until she moved out to LA so I sucked it up. According to her, sleeping together all but destroyed the friendship, but she spent her remaining time in Pittsburgh trying to fix things.
So flash forward to two nights ago: We have a giant fight and almost break up. Suffice to say, we're not transitioning from long distance well regardless. Ever since she's arrived, it's felt as though she's been keeping something, and that was the crux of the fight.
On to last night, we doing a little better. We seem to have worked some things out. She uses my laptop to check her email and forget to log out. She leaves and I go to use my laptop and she's still logged in and (not proud of this next part) I see an email chain between her and J about the fight we had the night before. I can stop myself and I read the email. I then start digging and find other emails, nothing incriminating, but beyond friend stuff. I at this point know somethings wrong and call her to call her out.
She says she doesn't want to do this over the phone so I head to her place and it all spills out. She breaks down, I'm furious, and I get the full story. I know I'm on the younger side to be thinking about how permanent I think a relation ship is, but we've been through a lot in 3 years and I was beyond convinced this relationship had staying power. Enough staying power that assuming we could adjust back from long-distance, I was going to ask her to marry me.
So 7 hours ago now we talked, and talked, and talked. She admitted it was malicious, it was intended to hurt me, and that nothing had happened since and that it was the one night. And I, found myself pre-pared to attempt to fix thing. People make mistakes I guess, I know I sure as hell have, and based on how she acted last night I believe she's sincere and it was purely a mistake.
Like I said, that was 7 hours ago. I've now had 7 sleepless hours tossing and turning and eventually giving up on sleep and I don't know where I am anymore. Like I said, I feel bad post this along side stories about families being torn apart, but I had no where else to turn I guess.
Am I crazy for wanting to reconcile? Does reconciliation ever really work? Am I just better ending this and moving on? I just feel so follow and confused. I feel like I should be furious, but at the same time I care about her so much the fury just wont come. I don't know if I've even hit the stages yet.