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blueberry posted 7/18/2013 12:20 PM

Any tips or experiences form
I am considering it, but very hesitant.
Reconciliation is not working.
After 4 years, I think the A is a deal breaker.

18 month LTA

Sad in AZ posted 7/18/2013 12:39 PM

Best tip: Get divorced first.

It's an emotional process, even if you are DONE. Get it out of the way, then assess your feelings and move forward with dating if you're ready.

She11ybeanz posted 7/18/2013 12:39 PM

Are you divorced as of yet?

**Light 2x4 here** I couldn't even begin to stress how you shouldn't date unless you have been divorced for a while. If you are still in the reconciliation process with your spouse (working or not...) you are not in a place to date at all. In fact, you shouldn't even be thinking about that... IMO.

chikastuff posted 7/18/2013 13:53 PM

You need to deal with your current situation and emotions before you consider dating.

hurtbs posted 7/18/2013 17:46 PM

Don't start dating until you have finalized your divorce. Starting a new relationship during a divorce is dangerous and, generally, unhealthy.

At the very least, do not start dating until you are 100% sure you are getting a divorce!

wildbananas posted 7/18/2013 18:24 PM

I agree with everyone else - finish one thing before starting another. I didn't and I can tell you it was a total train wreck, even though I was done-done with ex-asshat long before we finally S for the last time.

Trust me, you won't regret waiting but you probably would regret jumping in too soon. I sure did.

UndecidedinMA posted 7/18/2013 18:51 PM

ITA - get free first.

I will tell you when I got back into the pool one of my HUGE conditions was noone in process.

Once you are out and can look at yourself and feel "I am the best thing gonna happen to someone" then jump in.

Dating is not for sissies.

torn2bits posted 7/18/2013 19:39 PM

I would say to wait until you are emotionally ready. I don't know how long you got out of R, but if it was recent, you should take some time to heal before dating.

I know I am not D, but this is year 3 and I have not lived with him for 2+ years with no chance of R, so I don't think being officially D'd is an indicator here unless its a moral issue for you.

SeanFLA posted 7/20/2013 08:50 AM

Honestly most "quality" guys aren't going to touch you on Match with a ten foot pole knowing you're still married. And I say "quality" guys here. Sure you will get dates. But mostly broken, one-night stand minded men. Are you looking for that?...really? I wouldn't even send a message to a woman on there who's status is listed as separated. Tells me they're not ready to be detached and probably holding on for financial reasons. Usually for the health insurance and looking for a guy to replace the old one...and quickly perhaps. That's how we guys think so take it with a grain of salt.

Finish your business first and get stable. That's attractive to us. Otherwise I'll assure you that you're just going to get used. Good luck with that.

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