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Newest Member: WOPR (61467)

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♀ 32167
Member # 32167
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any tips or experiences form
I am considering it, but very hesitant.
Reconciliation is not working.
After 4 years, I think the A is a deal breaker.

18 month LTA

Posts: 225 | Registered: May 2011 | From: US
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Best tip: Get divorced first.

It's an emotional process, even if you are DONE. Get it out of the way, then assess your feelings and move forward with dating if you're ready.

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
Him: WXH-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

Posts: 25302 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Arizona
♀ 27457
Member # 27457
What?  Posted: 12:39 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you divorced as of yet?

**Light 2x4 here** I couldn't even begin to stress how you shouldn't date unless you have been divorced for a while. If you are still in the reconciliation process with your spouse (working or not...) you are not in a place to date at all. In fact, you shouldn't even be thinking about that... IMO.

"Sometimes your knight in shining armor just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12

Posts: 2767 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
♀ 35288
Member # 35288
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You need to deal with your current situation and emotions before you consider dating.

Me- 32
Happily engaged and moving on

Posts: 382 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: New England
♀ 10866
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't start dating until you have finalized your divorce. Starting a new relationship during a divorce is dangerous and, generally, unhealthy.

At the very least, do not start dating until you are 100% sure you are getting a divorce!

DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid

Posts: 15607 | Registered: Jun 2006
♀ 10552
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with everyone else - finish one thing before starting another. I didn't and I can tell you it was a total train wreck, even though I was done-done with ex-asshat long before we finally S for the last time.

Trust me, you won't regret waiting but you probably would regret jumping in too soon. I sure did.

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 16055 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
♀ 33732
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ITA - get free first.

I will tell you when I got back into the pool one of my HUGE conditions was noone in process.

Once you are out and can look at yourself and feel "I am the best thing gonna happen to someone" then jump in.

Dating is not for sissies.

Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
♀ 28376
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would say to wait until you are emotionally ready. I don't know how long you got out of R, but if it was recent, you should take some time to heal before dating.

I know I am not D, but this is year 3 and I have not lived with him for 2+ years with no chance of R, so I don't think being officially D'd is an indicator here unless its a moral issue for you.

Me: 45/WH (SA): 49
M: 26 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce halted

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
♂ 32380
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly most "quality" guys aren't going to touch you on Match with a ten foot pole knowing you're still married. And I say "quality" guys here. Sure you will get dates. But mostly broken, one-night stand minded men. Are you looking for that?...really? I wouldn't even send a message to a woman on there who's status is listed as separated. Tells me they're not ready to be detached and probably holding on for financial reasons. Usually for the health insurance and looking for a guy to replace the old one...and quickly perhaps. That's how we guys think so take it with a grain of salt.

Finish your business first and get stable. That's attractive to us. Otherwise I'll assure you that you're just going to get used. Good luck with that.

BS(me) 50
WW 49
1 son 17 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley

Posts: 1636 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
Topic Posts: 9

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