SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Runninggirl posted 7/18/2013 16:41 PM

Here is a general question about solid R.
Not a hypothetical, but trying to not be so detailed it is unrelatable.
Say....
You find old stuff from when they were in EMA years ago. Stuff you didn't know.
Not too far off from what you already knew, but still...a picture or letter that is new to you. Do you lose it all over again on FWS or do you chalk it up under the big umbrella of stuff you
were supposed to forgive??

*** brief background. H gave me full access to this phone long ago and has most likely forgotten it's even around.
I got a SIM Card reader because
MOW recently contacted him...blah.
blah blah. and I am a sucker for
punishment. I had to go back and remind myself her 'fishing' AGAIN is never going to be okay. My signature line pretty much sums it up.

I will ask my IC/MC but really could use actual "been there done that" experiences.

*edited: hit update before post was complete.

[This message edited by Runninggirl at 4:46 PM, July 18th (Thursday)]

2married2quit posted 7/18/2013 16:52 PM

For the last year I get these moments where I have to go back and look at the old phone records, old texts and punish myself once again and feel the hard core pain. Sometimes I find something new (not major discovery) sometimes I don't. What ends up happening is that I go back to the pain & suffering and interrupt the progress of R. It's like self sabotage I guess?

If he excluded some significant detail, I think it's important. But 3 kisses instead of 5 is no biggy. Although I'd confront him and say "I found this out, don't ever lie to me again...EVER!".

Runninggirl posted 7/18/2013 20:46 PM

Thank you. Btw 2Married, Your user name is AWESOME

RockyMtn posted 7/18/2013 21:17 PM

I'm not following what happened with your WH exactly. Did he break NC? If that's the case, then any details are going to bother you a LOT more than someone who is simply discovering, for lack of a better word, minutiae that hadn't been discussed for one reason or another. If he's been in touch with OW - then all sorts of things you discover are going to feel painful because he sent you backwards a whole lotta steps.

Do you lose it all over again on FWS or do you chalk it up under the big umbrella of stuff you
were supposed to forgive??

It really depends on how I am feeling and less on the detail. If I'm in a strong frame of mind, feeling healthy, then it would fall under the umbrella, I guess. If I'm feeling under the weather or upset or sad, then it would trigger me like hell.

Basically, I reserve the right to lose my shit if I feel like it or be cool as a cucumber. that's the deal. I try not to be overly disrespectful to WH, but I will vent the truth.

But - I don't often go digging for stuff anymore. Haven't in months. I'm over it. Boring, and a happiness suck.