No, it would't have been easier had you never known. Your M would have suffered, you would have sensed it, but not known what you were sensing. Not knowing would have dragged it on and on. Knowing is better, b/c then you can deal with it.
Drop his family...they are not friends of the M. You can reevaluate later on if you want them in your life. They took in OW, knowing he was M to you? What a bunch of trash. If you keep a relationship with them, the drama will continue.
In the meantime, read the Healing Library. You will it in the yellow box at the upper left hand corner of your screen. You will get a lot of help there.
His Needs Her Needs by Willard Harley
Love Busters by Willard Harley
(for husbands) Becoming the Ultimate Husband by Reb Bradley
But, his family.... I don't want to face them. How do I look at them? How do I go to their house for Christmas when I know she was there last year? It makes me so angry! Especially his sister...
She said to me..
"YOU NEED TO PROVE THAT YOU HAVE CHANGED TO US"
I might not have been the best wife but I'm young and I didn't have an affair for 10 months! I don't have to prove anything to anyone in my life except my husband. They have no idea the trauma that this has caused me. I'm back on antidepressants and anxiety mecidine. I didn't have anyone here with me to cope except my 3 year old son. I live hours from my family because we are military and it was the most horrific experience of my life. How do I just get over it>?
Me - BS 25.
Him - WH 27.
M. - 2011.
D-day - 9.26.12
Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful sons
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou
You are not the cheater.
Screw them and their nastiness and cut them out of your life.
How horrible they had this person in their home and now you have to prove something? i dont think so.
While my inlaws did not contact with OW, they cut me out of their lives as soon as wh and i separated. After being "part of the family" for over 20 years.
Boy, what a favor they did me!! I am so happy not to have them in my life anymore. WH and i are back together, but they remain out of our lives. He see's them on Christmas. They made the choice by their own behavior.
Dont cow to them. Discuss with your h how to deal with them in a manner that still allows him to see them, but it would have to be on a limited basis. It was their choice to put you both in this position, not yours.
Good luck and take care
When WH and I reconciled, I made it very clear that I wanted nothing to do with his sister. She honestly thought that after running her mouth and befriending OW that when WH and I reconciled, everything was going to be hunky dory again. Boy, did she get a rude awakening. I didn't speak to her for months, and then SHE was cheated on by her boyfriend. Suddenly, she understood where I was coming from and she came to me and apologized up and down. We are better now but I can honestly say I will never forgive her for what she did and I hold her at arm's length. I will never trust her.
There are also a few other family members that I am polite to in public, but I do not associate with - same reason, they felt the need to involve themselves in my marriage.
You need to cut off the in-laws... they are HIS parents, not yours and you don't need that crap.