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Newest Member: Frank230 (61461)

User Topic: Not sure why I'm still here?
♀ 39865
Member # 39865
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On DD 6/8/13 my WS admitted to several ONS w/women in different cities, a LT EA/PA with a woman he met thru work and to having an online profile for chatting and meeting women. He also admitted to going to clubs for dancing and picking up women when he travels for work. THIS latest revelation comes 3 years after I've dealt with a porn habit, online chatting for 18 mos and him taking a woman out to lunch during a business trip. HE says he wants our marriage and family. I don't know why? He took the steps to end the A and let his AP know. He deleted her info and has had no contact with her. He also contacted our pastor for help and to hold him accountable. We have begun counseling with the pastor. He is saying, doing and making an effort to show he is sincere, but I'm SO betrayed right now, I'm scared to ever trust him again.
HE has neglected me pretty bad the past 5 years. He was at times mean, emotionally unavailable and withdrawn. Despite me expressing I wanted us to do things together and letting him know I wanted to be with him...he didn't respond for very long. I would ask was he involved with someone else and he would always say, "no". WHY am I here? WHY am I even considering staying married to someone I totally can't trust? We have 3 children and I have been a SAHM mom for several years. I don't have an income to leave right now. I know if I did, I would not be here. I think I'm weak and weary right now...really don't know.

Me- BS/WS(42) DDay 8/22/13
Him- FWH (41)
Married 17 years
DD #1 Spring 2009
DD #2 6/8/13
DD #3 6/21/13
Porn, OLAs, ONS, 2 LT EA/PA

Posts: 29 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
♀ 33956
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hugs to you...i know how hard this is. i think your question is one that a lot of us ask ourselves every single day. i know i do. your discovery of his double life is very recent....and i think it is really like a shock phase. i know i was in shock...complete shock when i first learned of my h cheating. then the false r for 9 months...and then the discovery of his secret life...pretty much the same as what you mentioned your husband did...see siggy below. it is just devastating. but one of the things i have learned is that everything doesnt have to be decided today...not even next week. right now, it is about taking care of yourself, and your healing.

are you seeing an ic...they can be very helpful.
is your husband remorseful and doing everything in the healing library? that doesnt make the pain go away, but it makes a real attempt at r a possibility.

hang in there...we are all here for you.

BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance

Posts: 1065 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
smoke fire
♀ 33478
Member # 33478
Default  Posted: 2:20 AM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are still here because your spouse has changed the marriage on you and you weren't prepared for it. You are dependent on your spouse and it's a scary thing to contemplate leaving, never mind actually go through with leaving.

Take care of you and start thinking about making some changes for yourself and your kids. Maybe take some classes so you can try to get back into the working world. When you can take care of yourself financially, you won't be so scared.

And you are not weak! You might be weary, but you are not weak. You will get through this and no matter what happens with your marriage, you are going to be okay. The early days are really, really hard and you just found out, so you are going through the really hard part right now. It does get easier and for some people it gets better and some work out their marriages. Ultimately, you are the one who gets to decide what happens with your marriage.


Me- BW 46
Him- WH 46
Together 22 years
Married 18
DS 15
DDAY-- February 2011
Status: fought the good fight, but 4 1/2 years later, it's over.

Posts: 897 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Southwest
Topic Posts: 3

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