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I asked for prayer and good thoughts last week, sending my kids off with their absentee sperm donor, whom they hadn't seen since Jan. 2011.

The visit is somewhat staggered, in that he spent 2 days in our city, then took the older two, and tomorrow I deliver my baby halfway to him, then he'll take her the rest of the way to his mother's farm.

So my boys have been gone for 3 days and I phoned them tonight and the younger one (6) was very hyper and wouldn't stay on the phone (I know, they're kids, phone isn't easy). The older one got on and immediately asked if he could watch a particular movie I wouldn't let him watch at home, right away putting me in the role of bad guy for telling him I didn't want him to. Then he grunted and moped the rest of the call.

I leave my baby tomorrow. My baby, who I've never been apart from, other than a night or two, and that was with MY parents, who she sees all the time. Everything in my body and spirit is resisting her going (8 hours away), and I have to do it. I had a meltdown with a friend on the phone tonight.

My kids sound thrilled to not be home. They don't miss me. My daughter wishes she could have gone with her brothers. I mean, she's 3, so she doesn't REALLY know what it's like to be away from me, but still. No tears for mama. No missing mama.

I feel like all my former in-laws are practically *gloating* that they got my kids there.

I just want a LITTLE bit of love. I just want to know they miss me and long for me a LITTLE bit. I do freakin' everything. I can't compete with 10 days of non-stop fun and games, though.

((((grief))))

They do love you Grief. As you said, they are just at playland right now. Everything is fun, everything is revolving around them, they aren't being given a moment to miss you.

I know it's killing you right now, but see it for what it is. Your kids are on an adventure. I'm betting at bedtime, in the dark, in a strange room, they are missing you. When your X knows it's time for your call, they are making sure the kids are busy/happy/doing something FUN so you don't get your satisfaction.

Just know it will end soon, and hopefully he will disappear for another 2 years.

{{{hugs}}}

(((Grief)))

I'm betting at bedtime, in the dark, in a strange room, they are missing you.

This. You are mom. You can not be replaced. I wish I could fast forward the next 10 days for you. Sending you strength.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 9:56 PM, July 18th (Thursday)]

I hope the time passes with lightning speed, and devistatedmom is right on the money-- they're with Disney Dad right now, so everything is super fun! I heard a lot of that at first as well. Now... well, my kids aren't miserable, but it's not as exciting as it used to be. Your kids will get there in time as well.

(((Grief)))

(((Griefstricken25)))