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Nightfairy (original poster new member #39868) posted at 6:38 AM on Friday, July 19th, 2013
I am here......I feel so alone and scared and I can't stop crying.....I pretend everything is good and ok but it's not.....it's so hard and my heart hurts..... It feel like a death. I have my kids yes but I feel I have no one....coming back to the house when I leave it is the worst because it will never be the same. It's empty....my dream family will never be.
sadtoo ( member #2027) posted at 6:47 AM on Friday, July 19th, 2013
I'm so sorry you are hurting. This is the worst pain, but you will get through it. Keep posting here and try to take care of yourself.
rmhm97 ( new member #39789) posted at 8:55 AM on Friday, July 19th, 2013
I pray that this pain will pass quickly for you. Lots of us it seems have had our worlds turned upside down and our hearts inside out. This site has been a Godsend for me and I truly hope it helps you thru one of the most difficult things you will likely ever face. I know all about the emptiness and the glazed look in our eyes at times. I also know that each day helps me to focus a bit better and I know it will happen for you as well. I wish there was a magic pill to take it away but know that there are many of us working our way thru this nightmare and you can draw strength as I have, from that. Take care of you and those little ones.
Me BS(49)
Her WW(39)
Married 16 years
D-day July 6th 2013
Day the fog lifted (each day is a step closer)
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 7:52 PM on Friday, July 19th, 2013
Hey there. Welcome. I know that you don't want to be here any more than any of the rest of us did, but I'm so glad that you found us for support.
Listen. Knowledge is power. Take some long, deep breaths, wipe your eyes and nose, and look up at the upper left corner for a yellow box. Take another deep, long breath. Click on The Healing Library. Get yourself a glass of water or other non-alcoholic drink and start reading. There is a lot of very good information there for you, that was written by people who have stood in your shoes and have survived. Even thrived. And you WILL survive this too. Read any other post in this forum that has a bulls-eye next to it. More good information.
And remember this and take it to heart. You cannot, CANNOT, take care of your beautiful children if you DO NOT take care of yourself. You simply cannot do it and you are the only sane person in your house right now, to make sure that they are cared for. You need to stay hydrated, eat whatever you can, and rest when you can. You need to place your needs, and then the needs of your children as a priority and your WH can take care of himself. He's an adult that has tried to fire you as his wife. You owe him no care at this point. You owe it to yourself and your children to focus on you and them.
Please keep coming back for support. As you're able, post a bit more of your details. I guarantee that there will be several people here who have stood right next to you, in your details. We're all here for you. (((hugs)))
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
keptmyword ( member #35526) posted at 8:30 PM on Friday, July 19th, 2013
I, as well as many others here, know the state of anguish and deep despair that you feel right now.
You will receive excellent advice here from people who are truly compassionate - because we've all been through it or are going through it.
Know this - no matter which direction you ultimately decide to go, you will find strengths that you never knew you had or could have had.
Know this also - you will be ok.
It has nothing to do with you.
Filed for and proceeded with divorce.
cass ( member #24261) posted at 9:50 PM on Friday, July 19th, 2013
Welcome Nightfairy.
Sorry you are here but on S.I. you are never alone because there's always someone to listen and reply. We are a family who have walked your path and know the feelings of aloneness and fear. Lean on us in your despair.
Despite your current situation you will survive this and we can help you. Read the Healing Library, upper left, yellow box. There's great resources there. When you feel strong enough, post your story if you can. With details many of us can respond to your particular situation.
There's not a lot we haven't heard here so take courage. We might be cyber but we are real people who log in to support those who are faced with our own experiences.
You will get through this. Take care of yourself.
(((Nightfairy)))
DDay - April 2008
Me - 58 and doing great, alone.
Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket!
burnt_toast ( member #16891) posted at 2:24 AM on Saturday, July 20th, 2013
Hey there,
Hope you are better than last night.
This will pass and you will survive, no matter the outcome.
Take care of yourself. 
I may have not gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams
Nightfairy (original poster new member #39868) posted at 3:06 AM on Saturday, July 20th, 2013
Hi just to let everyone know my full story is in my profile....if you wish I can post it here as my story. I went for another IC today.....she brought a few things to the table....me first and my babies....I need to eat and drink to keep my milk supply up.....and that needed to know who OW is....is not the issue....eddy needs to follow through on everything...if not 
it will never work. Trying hard the 180....very very tired and is heading in to try and sleep. Thank you for all your support and feed back.
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