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genuine question- what do u do about eating at someones house

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Gottagetthrough posted 7/19/2013 07:45 AM

OK, I have posted a lot about my MIL, and I dislike her. ;-)

But this is an actual question. Not sure what to do...

Mil is always cooking. Its her thing.

This trip, she hasn't cooked. I didn't notice, but my wh did say, ma, where's all the sausage and peppers, the meatballs, where is it??

The first she ordered a pizza, then we went to IHOP in the morning. Second day she took her other grandchild shopping around dinner, they went to a restaurant, and didn't tell us. After waiting for them (we didn't know where they were). Wh went out and got mcdonalds.

Yesterday my dd wanted to go to red lobster. So we took mil out to lunch there.

At 6 my kids were hungry, so I made them grilled cheese. I felt weird making myself food in mils kitchen, when she was there, so I sort of waited for her to leave, which she wouldn't.

By 8 30 I was starving, and told wh I needed to go get something. There was no veggies, very little food in the house. I ended up eating a peanut butter sandwich.

Now, my stomach is starting to get upset because of all the fast food and no veggies.

Is it rude to go out and buy food for us? Is it rude for me to use mil kitchen when she is there?

Also, what's the norm in ur family... Does the host usually make food or do you go and make it yourself? I feel like a brat saying someone else should make me food Lol, but I feel rude making myself at home in someones kitchen

bluelady posted 7/19/2013 08:26 AM

Interesting question. I don't feel weird at all making food in my parents' home. When I come visit, I will often take on meal prep duties. I enjoy it. Also, if there is something I want and they don't have it, I will go and buy it.

With anyone else? Maybe not. I stayed with my sister a few years back and we have vastly different "styles" when it comes to eating. She is more than content to have small snacks throughout the day and doesn't worry about meals so much. My internal clock gets really messed up if I don't eat a meal, even if it's a small one, at relatively appropriate times. I didn't feel comfortable just getting up and making myself something, so it was a long week.

Amazonia posted 7/19/2013 08:42 AM

Why not just ask? "I was thinking of cooking dinner tonight; do you mind if I use the kitchen?"

tushnurse posted 7/19/2013 12:13 PM

I have a very laid back household, and have always wanted folks to feel welcome. so I would be totally cool with someone cooking in my kitchen, they may have a little difficulty, as I cook a LOT, and am left Handed, I have the whole thing set up the way I need it.

My MIL and I have always been at home in each others kitchens, so I wouldn't think twice about cooking in hers.

Like Ama said I would offer to go get what you want and cook it for all.

Nature_Girl posted 7/19/2013 12:58 PM

First of all, you say she's always been one to cook, but now this time she's not cooking or even talking about cooking. So I would wonder why the cooking has stopped. Is she angry and this is how she's acting out? Did she feel insulted during your last visit about something? Is she depressed? Has she had a stroke or TIA and cooking is no longer on her radar?

Aside from that, I wouldn't feel at all bad stating that I wanted to go to the market to get some ingredients, what can I cook for you Mom, and then be off to get what was necessary to properly feed myself & my children.

vtach posted 7/19/2013 13:12 PM

Your MIL knows you dislike her. She is making a statement. Not sure of your relationship, BUT, maybe you should make yourself at home and make a wonderful meal. Wine and dine her AND do the dishes.

When we visit my H's parents that live out of state, I always bring gifts. It doesn't have to be expensive. I usually buy something that I know his stepmother loves...like pretty baskets of flowers. I have been rewarded so much in return.

We have a tradition....I (and others)get free reign in her kitchen one night to make a meal and "treat" her. She squirms a lot, but is so gracious and kind.

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