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New Beginnings :
how to get the now exSO off my back

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 betterlife (original poster new member #36867) posted at 2:45 PM on Friday, July 19th, 2013

Following on from my earlier posting re: 'the exclusivity assumption', many thanks for the feedback.

I have not responded at all to any of his texts. I thought I was quite clear on my intentions in my initial text when I said 'this is the end of the line for me.'

All day, I have been bombarded with texts from him related to blameshifting and projecting.

Not once has he attempted to call me. And not once has he apologized.

I think if he showed a bit more remorse or concern then I would consider engaging in a conversation with him. But, he hasnt.

He has reached his use-by-date and his texts are infuriating me. I believe I am making the right decision by ending things. But I dont know what to say besides telling him to f.o.

Since he insists on sending me texts, I feel I need to send a final text but I dont want him to think I now want to engage in a conversation at all. I'm done.

Examples of his texts:

'bcos u r not going out with me then i have to be in the market'

'hence u know i am not dating anybody'

'proves it to u'

'r u listening to me'

'what was i supposed to do'

'u there'

'i dont think u should be mad at me'

'r u saying that u have not gone out on a date in the last 4 months'

'why not respond'

'u know i am right'

[This message edited by betterlife at 8:47 AM, July 19th (Friday)]

posts: 27   ·   registered: Sep. 18th, 2012
id 6413430
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Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 2:51 PM on Friday, July 19th, 2013

Does he speak as illiterately as he texts?

I would probably respond with something like, "I am not interested. Best of luck on Match. Do not contact me again." and then total crickets.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

posts: 14469   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2011
id 6413436
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k94ever ( member #11176) posted at 2:52 PM on Friday, July 19th, 2013

Ignore and block. Don't sink to his level....that's what he wants.

k9

BS:61
WS: 53
Betrayed: 24 years
Affairs: 15 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

posts: 7747   ·   registered: Jul. 3rd, 2006   ·   location: Wisconsin
id 6413439
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lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 2:54 PM on Friday, July 19th, 2013

Block him or keep ignoring him. If you respond, then he knows he can get to you, so he won't stop.

No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.

posts: 22643   ·   registered: Mar. 20th, 2007   ·   location: Houston
id 6413440
doh

She11ybeanz ( member #27457) posted at 3:02 PM on Friday, July 19th, 2013

Does he speak as illiterately as he texts?

Do not engage in this ignoramoose.... you are so much better than him....and he knows it! (it shows by his constant texts) If he "TRULY" believed that he had done nothing wrong....than he wouldn't be sending you a billion messages trying to convince HIMSELF that he wasn't wrong! He got busted. Plain and Simple. He was being deceptive (by omission)

He knows it. You know it. Done. Overwith. Goodbye. NEXT!!!!!!!

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 9:04 AM, July 19th (Friday)]

"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12

posts: 2767   ·   registered: Feb. 4th, 2010   ·   location: Virginia
id 6413452
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Mandilwen ( member #27186) posted at 8:11 PM on Friday, July 19th, 2013

Yeah, keep ignoring and block. He sounds like my ex husband. I can give you a view of your future with this douchebag with an actual conversation I had with my ex:

Ex - I hd 2 hv sex wit some1 else bcos u wernt

Me - you were stationed overseas, how could I?

Ex - that dosnt change the facts... Wht was I sposed do?

Gawd! Can't believe I ever cried over that guy, lol! Live and learn I guess!

BS-34; WXH-32; DS8; DS3; OC3
DDay: SEPT 2008
Divorced: JUNE 2010

posts: 318   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2010   ·   location: Indy
id 6413901
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She11ybeanz ( member #27457) posted at 8:43 PM on Friday, July 19th, 2013

Ex - I hd 2 hv sex wit some1 else bcos u wernt

Me - you were stationed overseas, how could I?

Ex - that dosnt change the facts... Wht was I sposed do?

WOW.....just wow. What an ass!

"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12

posts: 2767   ·   registered: Feb. 4th, 2010   ·   location: Virginia
id 6413953
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SeanFLA ( member #32380) posted at 10:52 PM on Friday, July 19th, 2013

Yeah don't hear much remorse in all that. Not even an apology.

Don't know about you....but with everything all of us have been through and learned here...aren't you done with unremorseful partners?

BS(me) 53
WW 52
1 son 20 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley

posts: 1647   ·   registered: Jun. 4th, 2011   ·   location: Zombie Land
id 6414118
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phmh ( member #34146) posted at 12:33 AM on Saturday, July 20th, 2013

Don't respond, as that may only encourage him, though he may get worse before he gets better (google "Extinction burst.") Just ignore, block if you can, and be thankful you got away before you got super attached or have any permanent ties!

Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny

posts: 4993   ·   registered: Dec. 8th, 2011
id 6414226
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 betterlife (original poster new member #36867) posted at 10:27 AM on Saturday, July 20th, 2013

Many thanks for the responses.

He is still texting but this time he is saying that he is waiting for a response from me, and if I dont respond that he will turn up to my apartment.

Argh! This guys just doesnt get it.

What should I do?

I was thinking of texting something along the lines of:

"I have been civilized about this, and have made it quite clear that this is the end of the line for me. Quit the threats and back the fuck off."

posts: 27   ·   registered: Sep. 18th, 2012
id 6414554
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Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 10:34 AM on Saturday, July 20th, 2013

Does he have a key? If so, get the locks changed.

If not, call the police as soon as he shows up. There is nothing that says "the lady's not interested" like the cops "persuading" him to leave your vicinity.

I actually think you should do this, then file harassment charges (because you have the police report as third party evidence). As someone who was cyber-stalked after I broke off a relationship, I recommend going a little overboard.

Cat

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

posts: 33182   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2003   ·   location: Ohio
id 6414555
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phmh ( member #34146) posted at 4:35 PM on Saturday, July 20th, 2013

Continue to ignore.

Otherwise, he knows that if he threatens to come to your house, you will talk to him.

Don't fall for the manipulation.

As Cat said, call the cops as soon as he shows up, if he does. Most likely he won't and he's assuming the threat will be enough to get you to talk to him and he'll then persuade you to go back to him.

Stay away from him! Don't engage!!!

Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny

posts: 4993   ·   registered: Dec. 8th, 2011
id 6414763
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little turtle ( member #15584) posted at 7:22 PM on Saturday, July 20th, 2013

Hope things are alright. Your ex reminds me so much of XH when he was in the affair. I agree with those who say continue to ignore. Don't answer the door if he shows up. Call the police if needed. Might as well file a report against him with the police there.

Please check in when you get a chance.

Failure is success if we learn from it.

posts: 5648   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2007   ·   location: michigan
id 6414883
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OnceInALifetime ( member #26023) posted at 9:10 PM on Saturday, July 20th, 2013

Could someone explain what on earth is going on in his so-called brain? Here's a woman who has made it abundantly clear she no longer wants to communicate, but he insists?

Does he want to somehow convince you to take him in again? Even after you told him you're done and have ignored him completely? That makes no sense.

Or does he just want to try and win an argument with you about why he's not an asshole and you are?

There's nothing but ugliness from this guy. You've done nothing wrong. He was deceptive and dishonorable. I agree with those who say you shouldn't respond, and to call the police if he shows up at your door.

What a jerk

BH, now divorced

posts: 3529   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2009   ·   location: New England
id 6414958
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Take2 ( member #23890) posted at 8:04 PM on Sunday, July 21st, 2013

Update?

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

posts: 4432   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2009   ·   location: New England
id 6415672
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 betterlife (original poster new member #36867) posted at 1:40 AM on Monday, July 22nd, 2013

He's off my back.

I sent a final text:

"I've been civilized about this, and I've made it quite clear that this is the end of the line for me. This is the last time I'm going to tell you to not contact me ever again. Quit the threats and back off."

*** crickets ***

I havent heard a peep since.

And, no, he does not have a key either.

I feel so much better now.

Thanks so much for your comments.

[This message edited by betterlife at 7:42 PM, July 21st (Sunday)]

posts: 27   ·   registered: Sep. 18th, 2012
id 6415897
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little turtle ( member #15584) posted at 11:11 PM on Monday, July 22nd, 2013

Whew. Glad to hear things have finally ended!! I was a bit worried.

Failure is success if we learn from it.

posts: 5648   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2007   ·   location: michigan
id 6416766
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amitheow ( member #4691) posted at 9:28 PM on Tuesday, July 23rd, 2013

There is an app you can download. You can program it to what number you want to ignore. It will store all the texts and you can look at them later. It won't even alert you they came in. If he calls, the phone won't ring.

My friend had to get one for a particularly agressgive guy she was giving the heave ho.

Old Timer, Just here to help
My screen name is: Am I The Ow? - Not Ami the OW.

Because in my situation I didn't know if I was the OW at first or if I was being cheated on. Found I was being cheated on.

posts: 5194   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2004   ·   location:
id 6417885
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