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how to get the now exSO off my back

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betterlife posted 7/19/2013 08:45 AM

Following on from my earlier posting re: 'the exclusivity assumption', many thanks for the feedback.

I have not responded at all to any of his texts. I thought I was quite clear on my intentions in my initial text when I said 'this is the end of the line for me.'

All day, I have been bombarded with texts from him related to blameshifting and projecting.

Not once has he attempted to call me. And not once has he apologized.

I think if he showed a bit more remorse or concern then I would consider engaging in a conversation with him. But, he hasnt.

He has reached his use-by-date and his texts are infuriating me. I believe I am making the right decision by ending things. But I dont know what to say besides telling him to f.o.

Since he insists on sending me texts, I feel I need to send a final text but I dont want him to think I now want to engage in a conversation at all. I'm done.

Examples of his texts:

'bcos u r not going out with me then i have to be in the market'

'hence u know i am not dating anybody'

'proves it to u'

'r u listening to me'

'what was i supposed to do'

'u there'

'i dont think u should be mad at me'

'r u saying that u have not gone out on a date in the last 4 months'

'why not respond'

'u know i am right'

[This message edited by betterlife at 8:47 AM, July 19th (Friday)]

Amazonia posted 7/19/2013 08:51 AM

Does he speak as illiterately as he texts?

I would probably respond with something like, "I am not interested. Best of luck on Match. Do not contact me again." and then total crickets.

k94ever posted 7/19/2013 08:52 AM

Ignore and block. Don't sink to his level....that's what he wants.


lieshurt posted 7/19/2013 08:54 AM

Block him or keep ignoring him. If you respond, then he knows he can get to you, so he won't stop.

She11ybeanz posted 7/19/2013 09:02 AM

Does he speak as illiterately as he texts?

Do not engage in this ignoramoose.... you are so much better than him....and he knows it! (it shows by his constant texts) If he "TRULY" believed that he had done nothing wrong....than he wouldn't be sending you a billion messages trying to convince HIMSELF that he wasn't wrong! He got busted. Plain and Simple. He was being deceptive (by omission)
He knows it. You know it. Done. Overwith. Goodbye. NEXT!!!!!!!

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 9:04 AM, July 19th (Friday)]

Mandilwen posted 7/19/2013 14:11 PM

Yeah, keep ignoring and block. He sounds like my ex husband. I can give you a view of your future with this douchebag with an actual conversation I had with my ex:

Ex - I hd 2 hv sex wit some1 else bcos u wernt
Me - you were stationed overseas, how could I?
Ex - that dosnt change the facts... Wht was I sposed do?

Gawd! Can't believe I ever cried over that guy, lol! Live and learn I guess!

She11ybeanz posted 7/19/2013 14:43 PM

Ex - I hd 2 hv sex wit some1 else bcos u wernt
Me - you were stationed overseas, how could I?
Ex - that dosnt change the facts... Wht was I sposed do?

WOW.....just wow. What an ass!

SeanFLA posted 7/19/2013 16:52 PM

Yeah don't hear much remorse in all that. Not even an apology.

Don't know about you....but with everything all of us have been through and learned here...aren't you done with unremorseful partners?

phmh posted 7/19/2013 18:33 PM

Don't respond, as that may only encourage him, though he may get worse before he gets better (google "Extinction burst.") Just ignore, block if you can, and be thankful you got away before you got super attached or have any permanent ties!

betterlife posted 7/20/2013 04:27 AM

Many thanks for the responses.

He is still texting but this time he is saying that he is waiting for a response from me, and if I dont respond that he will turn up to my apartment.

Argh! This guys just doesnt get it.

What should I do?

I was thinking of texting something along the lines of:

"I have been civilized about this, and have made it quite clear that this is the end of the line for me. Quit the threats and back the fuck off."

Catwoman posted 7/20/2013 04:34 AM

Does he have a key? If so, get the locks changed.

If not, call the police as soon as he shows up. There is nothing that says "the lady's not interested" like the cops "persuading" him to leave your vicinity.

I actually think you should do this, then file harassment charges (because you have the police report as third party evidence). As someone who was cyber-stalked after I broke off a relationship, I recommend going a little overboard.


phmh posted 7/20/2013 10:35 AM

Continue to ignore.

Otherwise, he knows that if he threatens to come to your house, you will talk to him.

Don't fall for the manipulation.

As Cat said, call the cops as soon as he shows up, if he does. Most likely he won't and he's assuming the threat will be enough to get you to talk to him and he'll then persuade you to go back to him.

Stay away from him! Don't engage!!!

little turtle posted 7/20/2013 13:22 PM

Hope things are alright. Your ex reminds me so much of XH when he was in the affair. I agree with those who say continue to ignore. Don't answer the door if he shows up. Call the police if needed. Might as well file a report against him with the police there.

Please check in when you get a chance.

OnceInALifetime posted 7/20/2013 15:10 PM

Could someone explain what on earth is going on in his so-called brain? Here's a woman who has made it abundantly clear she no longer wants to communicate, but he insists?

Does he want to somehow convince you to take him in again? Even after you told him you're done and have ignored him completely? That makes no sense.

Or does he just want to try and win an argument with you about why he's not an asshole and you are?

There's nothing but ugliness from this guy. You've done nothing wrong. He was deceptive and dishonorable. I agree with those who say you shouldn't respond, and to call the police if he shows up at your door.

What a jerk

Take2 posted 7/21/2013 14:04 PM


betterlife posted 7/21/2013 19:40 PM

He's off my back.

I sent a final text:

"I've been civilized about this, and I've made it quite clear that this is the end of the line for me. This is the last time I'm going to tell you to not contact me ever again. Quit the threats and back off."

*** crickets ***

I havent heard a peep since.
And, no, he does not have a key either.

I feel so much better now.

Thanks so much for your comments.

[This message edited by betterlife at 7:42 PM, July 21st (Sunday)]

little turtle posted 7/22/2013 17:11 PM

Whew. Glad to hear things have finally ended!! I was a bit worried.

amitheow posted 7/23/2013 15:28 PM

There is an app you can download. You can program it to what number you want to ignore. It will store all the texts and you can look at them later. It won't even alert you they came in. If he calls, the phone won't ring.

My friend had to get one for a particularly agressgive guy she was giving the heave ho.

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