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hangingontohope7 posted 7/19/2013 10:24 AM

My mom was online today trying to find out some information as to why OW doesn't have custody of her child. I know she is trying to be helpful but the more we dig the more we find. And it always ends up hurting me.

She found a traffic ticket for WH from the beginning of March, two counties over where OW lives. He told me this started in May. At this point who knows how long its been going on. I told my mom to stop looking things up. I can't take anymore. He is a liar. Plain and simple. I wish that my kids didn't need to be around him. He is the most cruel person I have ever met in my life.

I'm so stressed. I want to confront him with this information but I know I need to keep NC.

Why? Why do they do this?

LadyQ posted 7/19/2013 10:47 AM

I'm so sorry he's hurt you like this. I agree that at this point, there is no need to dig for more information. Once I made the decision to divorce, I basically stopped looking for anything else. There didn't seem to be any point any more. I will say that I would get out the evidence I had collected just to firm my resolve--especially when he started the whole "I'm gonna nice her back into my grasp" game.

Hang in there, hangingon. I know it doesn't seem like it, but it really will be better!

Pass posted 7/19/2013 10:52 AM

Selfish arseholes. Every one of them. The answer doesn't have to go any deeper than that.

I'm sorry you're in this new (renewed) pain.

tesla posted 7/19/2013 11:09 AM

Sometimes when my sister checks stripper whores fb page she feels the need to fill me in on the latest drama. I've asked her to stop because I just don't give a shit anymore...I only want to know if something negligent pops up.

You will never unravel the ball of lies he has wound up. Someday it won't bother you, I promise.


soverybetrayed posted 7/19/2013 17:41 PM

I was obsessed and continued to dig stuff up after I left him. I knew that it was the only way I would find the truth out about him. I was glad that I did keep looking because if I had stopped I would never have discovered that he was posting pics of himself cross dressing on fetish websites and trolling for local men and women for hook=ups. It also helped me in court to prove that he was a cross dresser and had failed to tell me before we married. He was dumb enough to tell the judge that some of the pictures we submitted were BEFORE he met me. Idiot proved my case for me. He also admitted in court that he threatened my life.

Sometimes you need to dig to prove to yourself you know as much as you need to know or to prove something in court. If you have all you need to know then tell your mom that you really do not want to know anymore. Don't confront him, use it as evidence or to get what you want in the divorce.

SBB posted 7/19/2013 19:02 PM

Once I made the decision to divorce, I basically stopped looking for anything else.

^^THIS. I knew enough to make my decision. If I do wonder about "if" he did something my response is always "probably, arsehole".

Contributing him would do no good. Cheaters lie, liars cheat.

I also second the suggestion of not letting people tell you things about him. I have people trying to "OMFG - you won't believe this!!" me all the time. Actually, I can believe it. Whatever it is. I don't need to know it.

((HOTH)) I've had many lightbulb moments over the last year where all sorts of puzzle pieces fell into place. I knew there were more OW than the one he would admit to but there were so many more it made my head spin. I'm also certain a few of the were LTAs.

It hurts. It is shocking. It is so very cruel.

NC = No New Hurts.

hangingontohope7 posted 7/19/2013 19:55 PM

Thanks for the advice. I told my mom that I know she is trying to be helpful but please no more searching. I think she really wants to uncover some deep, dark secret that will blow his chances for custody. But unfortunately, his infidelity doesn't equate to "unfit parent" in the court system.

My attorney told me yesterday, it doesn't matter if he slept with one woman or one hundred women during the past 5 years, while we were trying to rebuild our marriage. He has proven that he doesn't want to change. And, I can't blame myself for not knowing or for giving him a second chance from the first time. What matters now is that I'm on the road to a happier life.

Its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel this soon after DDay #2. It was a good 2 years after DDay #1 that I started to feel okay. Maybe this time will be different because I know its over. There will be no more looking over my shoulder, checking phone calls, wondering why he is 20 minutes late coming home from work.

I don't know what the future holds but atleast I feel, I don't know... I can't say good, maybe more like relieved that I took some control back by contacting a lawyer and taking the steps necessary to protect my kids and myself.

Ashland13 posted 7/20/2013 18:16 PM


Here too, people filter me information that I find more painful than not knowing.

L is digging and I asked him not to show me as STBXH himself is a trigger at times and it took a while to realize that.

People here searched for a while or just came upon things and I also finally asked them to stop telling me.

I also asked STBX to not tell me details, because of the pain. He does not get it.

tabitha95 posted 7/20/2013 19:43 PM

On d-day #2, when I decided to leave, XH all of a sudden started to come clean on things he had lied about. Things I had questioned him about that never seemed right and swearing that he was telling the truth. Once he started, I cut him off. I didn't care. He was a liar that was all I needed to know. Why would I care anymore to hear what are probably more lies. Maybe he wanted to finally come clean and lift the weight off his shoulders, I wasn't going to be that person for him either.

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