Yesterday wasn't a good day. I had given him an ultimatum earlier in the week. I told him I felt better, knowing exactly what my plan was. I said he needed to tell me whatever else he's lied about, all the truth, and starting after this week, that if anything else pops up, that I'm done. He's out. I've been trying R for 6 months and I am exhausted with new discoveries every week. He told me there was nothing else... So my mind is pretty clear.
Yesterday my 21 year old daughter has some relationship issues, and I spent time consoling her. My 23 yer old daughter had a biopsy on her cervix this week, so it's been a very stressful time to be mom. I had decided my children needed the strong mom I used to be before his shit crumbled me, and that's where it made it easy to know my plan.
When he came home yesterday, it was the second day in a row he made reference to how his (sorry tmi) balls smelled bad. He works as a mechanic and it's 100 plus degrees in his shop. I just assumed he meant sweaty. Well nope, they smell like semen. He claims this is common with guys, when they sweat down there. Ummmm maybe? I don't know. But I do know it's a red flag. He says he'll shower, go mow the lawn, come in and prove it. So we shall see. Anyway, I roll over to think, and he pulls out his laptop and try's watching a series on DVD that was his and his ex's favorite. That set me off. I rolled over and told him to use his earphones, I didn't care to listen to a show he shared with an ex. He got pissed and said "I don't know what the fuck is your problem". With that, I got up, showered, got dressed, and left. I also turned off my location services on my iphone. I was damned if he was going to track me. He should know what a little stress is like. Was that wrong???
I only went for a drive and grabbed a soda at a drive through.
Today, after he left for work, I sent him this message: "I don't plan on texting later. When we're together, and I pretend nothing is wrong, it can be great. But the minute I start showing how I hurt, you're turning into ass mode. And I have no interest for that in my life. You go work. And me, I'll spend my time fixing what the fuck is wrong with me"
His response was "It's the way you act when you go into hurt mode that sets me off" .
So now I'm seeing red. I've never screamed, thrown something, retaliated, or even left him for a period of time. I've sat here and tried to work on things!!! I don't bring it up constantly, we sleep together, jut took a trip together, and still play.
Have I messed up in doing things this way? And his little smelly balls issue, am I being an idiot with that?
Sorry for the vent...I needed to get it out before I do something stupid like play his drum set with a couple of hammers.
*** Sex addiction is very real. I finally saw it first hand***
What is he doing to show you he wants to R?
You say "we're trying to R every day." YOU are..he's not. Im sorry.
[This message edited by confused615 at 11:09 AM, July 19th (Friday)]
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
"I don't know what the fuck is your problem"
THIS is the problem.
Sorry to be so dry and crass, but he is behaving like an ass, and I would go into stealth mode, or just file at this point. He is not doing anything to help you. He wants it all to happy dappy as long as he doesn't have to deal with any of it. That isn't ok.
I suppose...how did that lawn mowing test go???
[This message edited by callmecrazy at 2:11 PM, July 19th (Friday)]
It's helping me, venting, and just reading what you all have to say.
If the circumstances didnt hurt so much, I'd probably be on the floor laughing, never thinking in a million years the smell of the wbf's junk would ever be a subject discussed amongst anyone, let alone strangers. Ughhhhh, I hate everything about this.
I'm so sorry...
I have no experience with the "SMELL" issue - but I did actually laugh-out-loud at some to the responses!
BUT, as for your silly husband watching his and the OW favorite DVD program: I'm sorry - but my husband would be buy a new laptop - because I would have bashed his into a thousand pieces!
It really doesn't appear your husband is moving towards Reconciliation with you. WHAT exactly is this man doing to help YOU HEAL?
If he dared to use the words "HURT MODE" with me again....He'd find his belongings in a Hefty Garbage Bag; and his butt would be out-the-door!
You cannot reconcile this marriage by yourself.
I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.
Hey..if I can't laugh once in awhile,I'll go crazy(er).
Are you in IC or MC or both? It would be interesting for him to go through this story with a counsellor present I feel - see if they are sympathetic to his stinky balls!
Reconciliation takes two - and it takes a bigger, HUGE effort on the behalf of your WS.