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Newest Member: tjredline (46031)

User Topic: Strung out and don't know what to do
starmoonchild
♀ 39117
Member # 39117
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, I am really in need of some advice here, and I am so grateful for all the help from everyone already, wish I'd found this page a year ago. Anyhow, my situation is this. I am trying to reconcile with my FWS, and he has been very remorseful and actually really loving and understanding most of the time. He owns what he did, an 18 month affair with a former co-worker, during which I took him back 3 times. The last DDay was December 12th, 2012. I have been trying to return to normal, amid the mind movies, depression, heartache, and just shock and disbelief at what he did after 40 years. The one thing that's really in the way of R is that last January-February he took $1000 out of the bank in gradual withdrawals. He told me and continues to tell me that he bought her only a $29 trinket which was a Valentines day special at a jewelry store. He bought me a necklace and earrings he says cost approx. $129. That appears to be true. He says he has no idea where the rest of that money went, and that he DID not buy her anything else. I went to his office on Feb. 20th, 2012 and the OW was wearing a solitaire diamond ring on her ring finger, and she had just split with her H the month before. He says she got the ring from her Aunt, and that it had nothing to do with him. He will only admit to a "cluster ring" he apparently bought her for Christmas, and an engraved ring he gave her one time when it was supposed to be over. Two rings, but not the engagement ring. He had also been asking her to marry him for at least 8 months when I saw the ring. He says all of the proposals were on text, none in person and he wasn't serious. My problem is that I am going crazy trying to believe that he didn't give her the ring, and still do the R. Should I forget about the ring? If we are in true R, does it matter now? I need to know the truth about everything and this is truly driving me mad. I asked him again last night, and of course he said the same thing again and I went ballistic on him, screaming and calling him names. The person I am now is foreign to me....I cannot believe I did that. When does sanity come back? And what do I do? I need help, big time.

Posts: 83 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
lieshurt
♀ 14003
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd have him take a polygraph to see if he's telling the truth. Your gut is screaming at you. Until you get the truth, you won't be able to put this to rest.


A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere.

Posts: 13879 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
JustWow
♀ 19636
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ditto on the poly.

We found it a good way to put some of those nagging issues to rest for good.


BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)


Posts: 3646 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 3

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