I'm 180ing and it really helps. I'm more focused on myself and doing a good job of not reacting, engaging, or worrying about WS. Just by consistently following the 180 I've noticed that the roller coaster has slowed down and I'm more in control of my emotions.
I'm also afraid that I'm prolonging the inevitable. I feel like I'm getting so used to life without him that in one way it's good...but then I think if we end up Divorced I'm going to fall into a deep dark pit of despair. WS isn't making any moves to try and come back home (he's staying at his sister's) and we aren't really talking about anything except the baby & finances.
The problem is that whenever the drama dies down and we are more stable like this we fall back into hanging out and then the cycle starts up again. We hang out and then something triggers me and I get angry or lash out...then he withdraws and I get frustrated and threaten D. I've set up boundaries but we still see each other when he brings the baby home after work.
My problem is that I can feel the cycle starting again. I'm doing the 180, but the other night when he dropped off the baby he mentioned us doing something together this weekend.
Do I go? Do we hang out as a family? Our baby is only 4 months old and I would like to have memories of the three of us together, but let's face it...he isn't giving us what we need by living in a separate house and by not recommitting to the Marriage. I fear that if I shut him out completely he will never want to come back.
Anyway...I hear the "close down the bakery" advice swirling in my head. He isn't in contact with his AP (as far as I know) but he isn't exactly beating down the door to come back home. I almost feel like it's the time we spend together having fun with the baby is the time when he's most loving, kind, remorseful...mostly because I'm showing him kindness. When I've tried to talk about the A with him one on one...or I've been triggered by something and I've gone off on him, any remorse he's had goes out the window and he gets very defensive and goes back to the blame shifting shit.
What to do?
[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 4:34 PM, July 19th (Friday)]