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Last night my FWH sent me a text. It was supposed to be the actual truth to several things he lied about regarding his LTA. Since DD#2, I have been BEYOND patient waiting on the 100% truth from him. He has been tap dancing, trickle truthing, lying by omission, etc. I seriously thought something was off in his brain.

I decided to test him. I (LIED) and confessed to a year long affair of my own. This was ONLY to find out what his questions and concerns would be and what details he would demand to know. Guess what? He wanted the entire TRUTH...every little bit of it! He wanted the same thing I have been asking for. He didn't want the, "I can't remembers, the not sures, the can't recall how many times we did it. Those answers only served to piss him off more.

So, this morning I awoke and put on my B boots! I drove to his job and informed him he had 30 minutes to get there or I would be talking to his boss about his work travel habits where this affair has been taking place.

When he arrived, we went to his office and I asked him to open his work email and search her name. When the (supposed to be deleted) emails and voicemails came up, I had him forward them all to my personal email account. I asked him to do the same from his sent folder. I then asked him to get a piece of paper and compose his NC. I asked him to call her and put her on speaker phone and read her the NC letter. he read her the letter and I told her if she made contact again in any form, I would inform the client wives that she services that she is providing more than she is advertising. OF course, she apologized and said she understood. We talked to the MC after all of this and are supposedly now back on track for reconciliation.

Upon arriving home, I called AP for last time. I asked her several questions to clarify things he said. OF course, there was more truth to come out regarding the relationship. She apologized for being involved with him.

After all of this I'm not sure I even want to reconcile with him. He seems like a grimy, low-down snake to me. Definitely not the person I stood at the alter with. I do feel better that I have evidence for my attorney and his bosses should I decide to walk away from this awful mess.

I think you're quite intelligent to be undecided about whether you want to R with him or not.

Based upon his actions, particularly the fiasco today, he has not SHOWN you that he wants to R, so to view him as "unsafe" is a rational, healthy response.

So don't decide. Give yourself time to see.

Or if you decided you've given it enough time, that is ok, too.

Being unsure right now is called good self-care and rational in my book, hun. So sorry you had to deal with all that garbage, but congrats on trusting your gut and following through.

((((Crushed))))

Sisoon...one of my more cherished members on this site...spoke eloquently of a time between DD and the decision to R or D.

I wish I had saved the link to his post...because I wont do it justice.

The jest of it was that BS should not rush to decisions...should pause and digest and mourn and grieve much like you do following a death of a loved one..because your marriage as you knew it died upon DD.

You are doing a more complete job of handling his TTing then I did with my wife...and believe it will serve you well.

God be with you.