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Guilt and Obligation

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Spelljean posted 7/19/2013 17:25 PM

WH texted me earlier that he noticed I wasn't feeling so well lately and wasn't communicating with him much. We are still S and did one counseling session so far. He was seeing OW up until about 9 days ago.

He said "I hate to be the reason you don't feel well and I'd rather you were healthy even if that means we don't get back together."

Have no idea about the sincerity of that.

Then he added, "Guilt and obligation are what kept me coming back to you all those times. That's why I was never able to let you go" (he didn't really "come back" because he was seeing OW non-stop all that time)

I said, "Guilt and Obligation?? Don't need it, I'm fine on my own without you."

Then he backpeddled and said "love kept me coming back too."

1. Ok, he wasn't really "Back" if he was still seeing OW.

2. Guilt and obligation (and love he says now) should have kept his dick in his pants. He really means that "guilt and obligation kept me coming back and pretending to be faithful to you" How was he possibly feeling any guilt, obligation or love while he was still screwing OW??

3. He has an effed up idea that he's not hurting anyone as long as they don't know what he's doing.

(I'm sure I'm missing a bunch more here)

He's so beyond getting it, or getting literally anything. I'm questioning his ability to even add 2 + 2.

[This message edited by Spelljean at 5:26 PM, July 19th (Friday)]

whatamidoing posted 7/19/2013 18:19 PM

sound like our Ws are twins
who says they feel obligated to someone who they already broke their obligation too? it's hurtful but I am sure he hides behind honesty for the hurt
my Ws has been pulling this storry for years first to OW on why he was stuck with me and now to me why he keeps "coming back" even though he never really ended affair
if he felt obligated you would see the action and would be able to tell he was doing the right thing maybe at his expense and you would likely tell him thanks but that he doesn't need to do this or that or you want him to be happy
but you have not seen this cause he doesn't know what obligation is
he wants to be thought of as a good person without being one
a good family man without being one and that may be a messed up definition of obligation but that is the one I have in my new dictionary of infidelity
you wanted me to be honest means hurting you is what you asked for
the don't like the way this sounds but don't want to do anything
sorry he has said such a hurtful statement don't let it take up space in your mind or heart it is bologna

Housefulloflove posted 7/19/2013 19:28 PM

He pulled that from out of the deep dark recesses of his ass. Don't pay any attention to those collection of words. There is no sincerity and no real meaning. Obviously he *thought* it sounded like a reasonable excuse but as you already know, on this side of sanity it does not.

[This message edited by Housefulloflove at 7:30 PM, July 19th (Friday)]

Pippy posted 7/20/2013 04:51 AM

What comes to mind here is the saying, "When they tell you who they are, believe them."

Yes guilt made him come back, but it was for his benefit not yours. He didn't like what others were thinking of him for doing that to you. It was all about him.

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