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Does Separation work?

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AceKnight posted 7/19/2013 21:29 PM

I hate seeing my BS suffer through all the pain I caused and wonder if separating will help?

Darkness Falls posted 7/19/2013 21:36 PM

IMHO, I think separation usually leads to divorce. I think it's hard to work on a relationship/marriage when you are not together.

I think it would magnify existing trust issues from the A. I think it would hinder communication. I think it would lead to decreased motivation from both sides to continue to try to make it work. I don't believe in the saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." I believe it makes the heart more forgetful.

But that's all just my opinion. I'm sure there are a lot of different experiences out there.

badchoice posted 7/19/2013 22:01 PM

Who is asking for the separation? I am not sure I am reading your post correctly.

BaxtersBFF posted 7/19/2013 23:08 PM

It has worked for some and not for others. If it is you (the WS) asking for it, then I would say it isn't a good idea. If it is your BS, then proceed as your BS would prefer.

In my situation, if we would have S, we would have D. I would not have pulled my head out of my ass in time to save anything.

20WrongsVs1 posted 7/20/2013 07:28 AM

Ace, what I see in your posts is a person in turmoil. You and your BS are in a situation many SI'ers can relate to--something like hell on earth. The early days and weeks are a whirlwind. There are no quick fixes.

Do you want to R? Does she? Have you both gone totally NC with your APs? Is all the hard truth "out" now? TT'ing for weeks or months is, unfortunately, common--and I bet all of us (remorseful, reconciling waywards) wish we hadn't TT'd ever.

If you want to R and she asks you to move out, IMO you should beg to stay, tell her you want to stay and work things out. Offer to move to a spare bedroom or the basement. Ultimately, honor her wishes, but don't make the mistake of giving up too easily, either.

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