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LadyQ posted 7/19/2013 21:32 PM

My 16 yo daughter is very involved with a 17 year old boy. He's OK, but very possessive and immature (as I'm sure 17 year olds can be). As an example, she didn't answer his text within 2 minutes so he says "I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow. Bye". She spends the next hour texting and begging for him to call her (she can't call from her phone, it's broken. She's using mine). She has dropped all her friends and barely is out of his presence. She has even stopped hanging out with her cousin who used to be her best friend.

I know that part of it may be projection on my part, but Lord I don't want to see her following the same path I did.

I promise there's a question in our future! What can I do? I know that forbidding her will only backfire, so what can I do????

I know that there are so e fine folks here who can help. Please??

metamorphisis posted 7/19/2013 21:48 PM

Hmmm. I'm not sure. I would feel the same way as you but I haven't experienced it yet (also have a 16 yr old dd). I think unless I saw anything harmful I would stick to just talking it out with her casually. For example "Wow.. that seems a little needy doesn't it? It was two minutes". DD would roll her eyes at me, but she listens.
The best route might be just bringing it up and seeing where it goes (and my bet is she'll get defensive pretty quick because sometimes talking to teenage girls is like trying to have a conversation with a feral cat ).
I don't hold back what I think with dd but I don't make a huge deal out of it if I can avoid it. So I would probably say "You know if you keep ditching your friends/cousins they aren't going to be around when you need them." Again, the goal isn't to get her to agree right away, but maybe to plant the seed so she thinks about it.

LadyQ posted 7/19/2013 22:04 PM

Well,that's basically how I feel. I did say something about her becoming so isolated, she reacted with all sorts of reasons and excuses (as expected! lol).

I just wonder if I "manufacture" time without him how much that will backfire.

I'm absolutely worried that she's getting in the same situation as i let myself get in. I don't know that I would have listened to any one when was her age, but maybe.....

hopelessromantic posted 7/21/2013 22:18 PM

I wish I had words of wisdom for you. Teenage girls are tough to parent! (At least my experience is )

I try not to preach to my girls ( I have one 15 and one 19) but I do try to plant seeds as they say every chance I get - whether it is about how important friendships are, sex, boys, whatever. I know it won't do any good to try to control who they spend their time with as they will just work that much harder at doing the opposite. I guess as a parent, we just have to bet there for them, and hope that we have taught them enough right from wrong and continue to encourage them to make the right choices.

I'm going through my own struggles with DD 19 so I understand. hopefully she realizes that this boy will most likely not be her "forever" and learn from her experiences.

not much help, sorry. hang in there.