Tonight I asked H how he could have been willing to lose all his friends and family for one person. He said it was tunnel vision. The deeper he got into the A, the deeper his tunnel vision.
He also said he was only thinking of himself. I asked him when that type of thinking started and he said soon after he started the A, and it magnified as time went on. He had to have the tunnel vision and selfishness to keep it going, or his own conscience would have gotten in the way, and he would have had to stop the A.
It is as though the A has a life of its own. He says it is like something he learned in the business/investment world. When someone is deeply invested in something, sometimes when it starts going south they feel they have to stay with it because they have already invested so much in it. They have a difficult time dumping it, or changing course because that would require them to have to admit that it was a bad decision in the first place.
He also said that he realized today that he rarely thinks about looking at porn. An image or thought would cross his mind earlier in the day and then he'd look at it later. He says that as time goes by and he doesn't view it, the less the thoughts come. He feels relieved that the thoughts are lessening. I am relieved too.
He says another reason he doesn't look at it is because of how it would hurt me, and that I would then decide I've had enough and would leave him.
He really "gets it."
Oops! Edited to correct spelling
[This message edited by HurtButHopeful? at 1:42 AM, July 20th (Saturday)]