I am in a similar stage as you. I have found year 2 so much harder than I thought it would be. I have no advice, just wanted you to know you are not alone.
I just posted this response in another post but thought it applied here as well:
My dday was 10/2010 and I know that my anger and rage lasted until 10/2012. A long time I know, but I just had to let it run its course.
Something inside me happened in late Oct. 2012 (not sure what) and I remember making a conscious decision to stop the anger...after two years I was done with it. I honestly did not want to live like that and my M would not benefit from it (no, my IC did not tell me this ~ I just felt it).
Sometimes I think that I would rage out of control as a test for my WH. Would he take it or bail? As if this was a reflection of how much he really cared. I tested him often!
After 2 years of throwing crap in his face I finally accepted that he was extremely sorry, that he really did wish he could take it all back, and that he did love me.
Have I raged since October 2012? Not once.
Have I been upset? Yes, but it is much easier today to maintained control and fortunately, it passes relatively quickly.
Looking back I can say that I suppressed nothing. I was always true to myself which allowed me to fully processed the extremely painful betrayal.
Do what you need to so to get through this and have no regrets about it.
[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 5:18 PM, July 20th (Saturday)]
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
That amount of time seems like the cruelest sentence ever given to anyone. How on earth can we go through several more years feeling like this. Not possible, right?
Well, it is possible. With work and a remorseful spouse, it is possible.
All I need now is a specific apology from my WH for everything that hurt me so badly during the affair. It is not the affair, but the things that happened during the affair that kill me. Those betrayals!!!!!!
He is working on that, it has been two and a half years, and I can finally see the light. Good luck and hugs. Time does heal.