My FWB and I had an "exclusive but not committed" understanding - neither of us was messing around with anyone else, but if either of us wanted to, we were 100% free to do so, as long as we informed the other afterward, which would then terminate our "relationship." Ultimately, that's what happened - I started dating more seriously, started seeing someone else, and just shot him a text explaining that I'd been seeing someone else and that was that. No hard feelings, no hurt on either side. We're still friends and give each other relationship advice at times, lol.
Many people don't want to be exclusive while in a FWB situation though, they are just kind of hanging out with a few (or many) friends who they occasionally have sex with.
You have to agree that if either(most likely the woman) develops feelings its over.
A FWB I could do, I could not be with someone I knew he was just going down his list of FWB and I was next in line, kwim? This guy sounds like he just likes the perks without having to do any work. He doesn't date...he just sleeps with woman that agree to it. Not my thing.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
At first the idea was exciting (it's "been awhile") and flattering. But the more I thought about it, the less appealing it became. Bottom line, it is not what I want or need. And more often than not, no matter what one or the other person claims with regard to lack of emotion, someone WILL develop feelings of some sort and someone will be hurt.
This is what sealed the deal for me, and I canceled our first rendezvous, making it clear I changed my mind and it was not what i am looking for.
My mantra for the rest of my life is simple: I do not want to be hurt, and I do not want to hurt. I've had quite enough of pain. NSA sex is just too risky for me. It's not worth it. It is just a bandaid on a gaping wound.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid
FWB=Friends with benefits. This means that you actually DO THINGS together outside of the bedroom. You can call this person, as a friend, for things like a concert opportunity or a flat tire assistance.
FB=Fuck buddy. That's the entire extent of your relationship.
He sounds like he is only interested in a FB.
If that is ok with you then fine. But you need to define this more so that expectations are not disappointed.
"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink
Whereas I was not emotionally involved, I was disappointed to learn that he had added another person to his repertoire without telling me. Funny how "You're WAY better than her!" was little consolation.
Use protection. I'm glad I did.
This means that you actually DO THINGS together outside of the bedroom
Isn't that called dating?
'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth
IMO there is no difference between fuck buddies and FWB, people who try to differentiate are usually deluding themselves. That's not to say you can't actually be friends with the person you are casually banging, some of them are actual nice people. But you have to keep boundaries. a FWB is no a surrogate boyfriend.
For me the rules were you didn't talk between hookups, except to arrange the next one. We could hang out, drink, etc- but no spending the night. No deep personal discussions. No pillow talk. No pet names. I preferred a don't ask don't tell policy about other partners, because IMO I was not his GF and what I did was not his business. Using protection was mandatory, anyway.
If you can maintain emotional distance and just have fun, then having a FWB can be cool. It made single life a lot more enjoyable for me.
If I found myself single again I'd probably go back to having FWBs again and not bother dating.
I've also read that condoms don't protect against herpes. And I'm assuming they don't help much with crabs.
Consider me crazy (I know it's been done), but no "itch" is worth risking getting any of that.
He said he doesn't date..only has "friends with benefits".
This implies (to me) that he is simutaneously having a few FWB?
I have never been able to do the FWB thing successfully cause I always really liked them to even consider it.
Anyway, the time I did try it....I was exclusive. I would never have more than one FWB.
I've done it several times. In fact, am doing it now. In my experience, I normally do develop feelings at some point, then get over them and it's smooth sailing from there. Weird, I know.
Two of them were friends, and still are my friends (past lovers). One of them I still talk to regularly, and just helped him through a rough breakup (not sexually - that hasn't happened in over a year). We did date, but he wants a wife and kids, and I don't want to be married or have anymore kids. However - we still get along great, there is physical attraction, and yes we do hang out, meet out for drinks/dinner, see movies... etc... we just know that dating wouldn't lead anywhere for us.
The one I am involved with now... it's been 10 months. There is absolutely no future, and we are both fine with that. There is something we provide to one another that we both like/want, and that's it. We do talk/text, but we do not hang out other than getting together now and then... yes, he stays a while and we talk and laugh and watch tv, but it's mostly just about sex.
Every single situation is different, and you just have to determine what works for you, or if it does at all.
Also - seems these days that, especially younger people, just aren't interested in marriage and serious relationships...