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User Topic: What do you want do you want for your Birthday?
UndecidedinMA
♀ 33732
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A freaking time machine

is what I wanted to say but I am finally letting go of the sarcasm & little digs. We are doing so well, he is nbeing so much more open. Just that sometimes I get jealous that while I knwo he had pain it was nowhere the magnitude of a BS/SO

I also only ever saw my BDay as a reminder of DDay since it was I hadn't realized the 2nd anti-versary is so close(bout 6/7 weeks).

Last year I just could not even be with him on those days. This year, especially after the concert decision, I am gonna try. This time I am really gonna try.

I know they say 2nd year is harder and in ways it has been. The letting go but not forgeting is hard to separate. The moments that the ONS/EA is persent are less but I am not sure it doesn't let the intesity be more concentrated.

So about to hit year 3 - anyone BTDT?


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
karmahappens
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 5:52 AM, July 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

but I am finally letting go of the sarcasm & little digs.

I think this is very important. If you have a spouse doing the real work it is unproductive to occasionally hit them over the head with a frying pan....so for the good of R it's necessary to take those first steps at moving away from the A.

Our reactions and how we say thing, IMO, matter. How we treat our spouse during R, matters.

I don't mean initially, we are so shocked and traumatized I give BS's a pass on what we say and do when we JFO

Year 3 will be ok, it gets calmer, less questions running through your brain. You'll have times where the A isn't even in your thoughts...it's a much slower ride than the first 2 years.

Important healing happens and a bond can really be re-formed going forward.

It's also important to remember you are walking a new path. Don't get complacent and slide into poor coping skills...be aware of your words/actions and feelings as you also continue to watch his.

I hope for your birthday you take time to celebrate you this year.You deserve it.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3872 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 2

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