MC said I appeared very resigned when I described that this is now my life - far from the way I want it to look and that I'm still struggling with acceptance.
On the way home (90 miles) fWH/BS said it appeared that I still haven't made up my mind. I said I want to stay with you and I'm trying but that's all I can give right now.
I said I get so confused: am I putting up with too much, am I not forgiving enough?
Am I struggling with having too much ego and pride OR am I sacrificing my dignity to stay. I said I have no idea. I do know that I can't handle any more trauma. - this was good intimate conversation for us.
MC said if you move it would be for one reason and you have 20 good reasons to stay. Ok, at what point do you say uncle. I give up.
Many of you know I struggle with seeing the OW ( and there are two here). But what is that really? I'm reasonably sure they don't pose a threat. Why can't i accept this hook, line and sinker? yep, he really did it. I will ocasionally see them. I want to scream and pull my hair out at the unfairness of this. this is NOT the life I want for myself.