The place I moved out temporarly to is located in front of a church. Today, as I got out, I witnessed a wedding party arriving. I felt the excitment and the joy of my own wedding day. Just good feelings, no bitterness. It felt good.
***
I learned by accident that WH had a 2nd child with (how do you call an OW who is the official GF since 5 years? FOW?). It was a small shock since the first baby was an accident -- seems that perhaps he's either owning his choice and/or being happy. I also learned that he's been to IC for quite a while after we D. I was happy to hear it. I often say and think that I'd rather know he broke our M for a greater purpose. So there.
I had to let go of being in a «happiness competition» with XH in order to be able to leave SO. If anything about this shitty situation feels good, at least it's that part. It has been freeing.
***
Although I had initiated NC, SO wrote me a beautiful letter today, pleading me to help him through therapy. Says he has no support group like I do and needs my help to do it. I'm happy he recognizes he needs therapy, but sadly, he doesn't get the other part about doing it on his own (including building his own support group). He still doesn't hear the needs that I expressed when I left, that I can't toil for two anymore, that I need time, that I'm at the end of my own rope. 
***
I had to walk in front of the house yesterday. It made me cry. But then I saw one of the neighbors we are in a conflict with going donw the stairs and I felt in my gut that I could never live there again. I could not even go inside and pick my mail.
I'm ovewhelmed right now. But not in the same way I was with the A. Just sad and confused and unable to deal and move forward to make the breakup permanent. I need time. I need space. I need wisdom and clarity. I need to tap into my inner strenght.
[This message edited by burnt_toast at 8:13 PM, July 20th (Saturday)]
