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Newest Member: Romulus (45761)

User Topic: Well, more stuff of mine that he ruined
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Back in the garage this afternoon. Found more stuff of mine that he ruined and/or deliberately hid from me. Remember when I told you about how I found a bunch of my clothes hidden behind the piano? Well, I just found several bags of my clothes - clothes that I'd specifically asked him about repeatedly through the years - jammed back in the most remote corner of the garage. Always he said he never knew what I was talking about, he'd curse me for bothering him with questions, he'd scream at me that I never had the clothes I was talking about.

Well, Asshole, I found them. You sonofabitch, I found them. Only of course they were soaked wet years ago and left to mildew & molder all these years so I'll never be able to wear them again.

What's worse, though, is that the handsewn quilt I had from my great-grandmother? The one I had in a zippered garment bag to protect? The one I'd carefully guarded since I was a girl? Yeah, he got that one wet, too, and had it shoved back in that remote corner. Bastard. I can't even have that connection to her because it's so moldy & horrible, I have to throw it out, too.

What a motherfucking bastard.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10039 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Threnody
♀ 1558
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't throw it out quite yet. Contact the women at the local quilting store and ask about restoration. They will have a million ideas and it may be salvageable. The women in the quilting guild where I used to live gave me a lot of tips for preserving a 100-year old quilt my mom discovered in her mother's house. It was mildewed and had nicotine stains. It looks gorgeous now. I remember Borax was involved, but they asked me a million questions about the stitching etc.

Don't despair!


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14040 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I posted too soon. Know what else was in that back corner? A corner that is totally dry, not exposed to any moisture? My box with my photo albums from childhood, senior pictures, and high school yearbooks. Guess what are water damaged?

Sweet God in Heaven, why did he do this to me???????? Why did he have to ruin everything of mine? If this was a natural disaster I could understand the loss of these items. But this instead is a truly evil, soulless being in human form. What kind of a person destroys another person's entire life like this? I didn't do anything to him but love him & want the best for him. When he was sick I nursed him. When he was injured or had operations I cared for him. I supported him when he was chronically unemployed. I never questioned him. I always believed in him.

Wishing I could tie him to a chair & beat him up right about now...


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10039 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Kajem
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thren is right, call them! You will be surprised At what can be done. Let us know what happens.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5551 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Kajem
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thren is right, call them! You will be surprised At what can be done. Let us know what happens.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5551 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Housefulloflove
♀ 38458
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG! He sounds absolutely insane! If he never intended to give you back those items, why didn't he throw them away? Not that it would make it any better since he would still be a passive aggressive crazy person but he took it to a whole new level of crazy by hiding things in random places.

"Wishing I could tie him to a chair & beat him up right about now..." You couldn't do anything as bad to him as what he will do to himself now that he can't piggy-back off of your sanity anymore. That level of crazy is self-destructive for sure.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with so much and still discovering the damage that loser has caused.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm seriously freaked out again, trying to comprehend what kind of person DELIBERATELY does this kind of stuff. This sad excuse for a man went out of his way to do this to me. Took my stuff. Hid it from me. Did things to ruin my stuff. Some stuff was outright thrown away.

And here I am, stupid me, carefully sorting through his shit, packing it up, labeling the boxes, trying to make some semblance of logical order in regards to what gets packed into what boxes (like with like). What a moron I am. I should just throw half the shit out and mix everything else up that remains. Let him sort it out. You wouldn't believe the proprietary software & corporate information he stole over the years. Disks & disks & reams of documents of proprietary information. Just walked out the door with it and brought it home.

Again I'm hit with the "who the hell did I marry???" thoughts. And of course the utter terror that I have to share my children with him. Just this kind of shit alone is scary enough. Then to add on all the disgusting perverted sexual stuff...


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10039 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
caregiver9000
♀ 28622
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NG)))

I will pay this advice forward:

You can't make sense out of nonsense. You will never wrap your head around or understand. You will make yourself crazy trying. (literally) Because the more you focus on his crazy and brokenness, the more you continue to react to him and his crazy and defeat your process of detaching.

I don't know what you are proving with the garage. Is it a mountain you must climb "because it is there?" You don't have to answer that. If the garage is your Mount Everest then plan, train, be safe, and for God's sake take a hiking partner.

I am sorry. Sorry and sympathetic.

Do see about restoration for the quilt. I like the idea of salvaging something from the destruction.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5918 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will not throw out my stuff simply because that insane assclown mixed his stuff in with mine. And that's what he did. He deliberately mixed everything of ours together. I won't throw out my own life, my own things, my children's things, just because they're inconveniently mixed in with his stuff. There's only one way to get through this, and that's go through it all. If I threw out a box of stuff simply because there was some of his stuff in it, I'd throw out every single box and the garage would be empty. I won't do that.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10039 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
dmari
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The destruction of your great-grandmother's quilt breaks my heart. I am so sorry you are dealing with a true sociopath. (((((NG)))))

[This message edited by dmari at 10:43 PM, July 20th (Saturday)]


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2304 | Registered: Oct 2012
FirstLoveGone
♀ 25957
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NG - I read your threads, but I don't think I have ever responded to one.

Are you in IC? I want to say this gently as possible - I think the question you need to ask yourself is why you allowed yourself to be treated in such a manner instead of why did he treat you in such a manner?

You will never get an answer as to why he did this. He is a sick man. But hopefully you will figure out why you stayed with him. Hopefully you will never succumb to such treatment again.

This process of clearing out the garage seems to be a slow and agonizing torture for you. I feel as though he is victimizing you again and again as you sort through more and more.

I hope I am wrong, and instead, finding your things is empowering to you. But for heaven's sake just toss his junk - don't let him control you anymore.

I wish you peace ahead.


Posts: 1278 | Registered: Oct 2009
numbandnauseous
♀ 34525
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 11:50 PM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NG, I just have to ask, did he deliberately put water on your things to ruin them? If so, how would you know for sure? Are his things water damaged?

For the photo albums, can you keep them and somehow restore them too?

I hope you are able to restore the quilt.

You might want to sleep on it before you throw anything away. If you have been spending hours in that garage and you are exhausted (physically and emotionally), a good night's rest may give you better perspective and a clearer head in the monring.

That is so devastating to not only have someone ruin your life (married life with kids), but to also try to ruin your PAST as well is truly demented.

(((((((NG))))))))


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:53 PM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I've been in IC for two years. Believe it or not I am light-years down the path of healing from where I was two years ago. I know now why I let this happen. I'm normally pretty sane these days. But every now & again I find something so epically hurtful that yes, I feel revictimized all over again.

But at least I can get over it quicker.

As an example of how much better I am than I used to be, I just two nights ago I found sex & blowjob pictures of him as well as what I think is a mostly empty vial of coke. Didn't trigger me. My heart didn't even beat faster. I know all that stuff already. Seen a hundred pictures just like 'em or worse already.

But this deliberate cruelty? My childhood pictures deliberately ruined? My great-grandmother's quilt? That's just so mean. So I'm having to process it.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10039 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Take2
♀ 23890
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay this guy is sick, sick, sick, and petty.

I get stuck envisioning him ditching your stuff in the garage and as you are asking about it... what the hell is in his head? "You'll never find your pink cardigan - take that you bitch" ...? Seriously? Wtf is wrong with him?

I get you going through the stuff...to save what you can. But I vote that you throw whatever is his into hefty bags and then toss your ruined and moldy things, that are un-salvageable, in with his belongings and let nature take it's course. He wanted them so bad -- let him have them now.


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4167 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
peridot
♀ 18334
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, July 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Nature_Girl)))

There was a place here in my state that was offering to restore pictures for tornado victims. So it might be possible to restore your pictures.

He is a sorry piece of shit!


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4801 | Registered: Feb 2008
ArkLaMiss
♀ 14918
Member # 14918
Default  Posted: 12:08 AM, July 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please start throwing HIS shit away. If/when he asks, just gaslight HIM. "Bike? I don't recall seeing a bike. Plaques? You took those when you left, remember?" I'd just start methodically tossing his stuff. As for his perverted pics, save and use as a bargaining chip. Use them to get supervised visitation.
He's sick. Any mental illness in his family?


Just HOW stupid do you think I am, exactly?

Posts: 1232 | Registered: Jun 2007
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:08 AM, July 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Exactly!

Me: Hey, where are my ____ jeans? I can't find them!

STBX: What jeans?

Me: My ____ jeans. I can't find them anywhere.

STBX: I don't know what you're talking about.

Me: OMG, I wore them when we went to _____. Whatever, I used to have them, now I can't find them.

STBX: You never had ____ jeans.

Me: I certainly did. I've had them for years. Where could they be?

STBX: What did you do with them?

Me: I don't know!

STBX: Maybe you ought to clean out your drawers/closet, then you wouldn't lose stuff.

And all the while they were stuffed in a bag in the garage slowly moldering with a bunch of other clothes that mysteriously disappeared. As well as that quilt.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10039 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:10 AM, July 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((NB)))) I don't even know where to begin, honey.


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26214 | Registered: Aug 2011
courageous
♀ 34477
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 12:26 AM, July 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my goodness! That is one seriously sick guy!!! I am so sorry for you ((NG))


Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.


Posts: 659 | Registered: Jan 2012
Coraline
♀ 36434
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 2:09 AM, July 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Surely your STBX is the worst of SI crazy. I mean, surely. I know some guys have beaten their wives, but THIS dude is the craziest, no joke. I'm so sorry.


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
Topic Posts: 52
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