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how much compassion to show trying 180 and a pet gets sick

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sunsetslost posted 7/20/2013 23:12 PM

I am 7 days removed from hearing that my wife (8 years, 10 together) was having an affair. Since she told me she has been running and running. Staying at his house, and while being cordial and polite she has shown no real interest or remorse. the "fog" personified. I just got a call about her dog. I say hers because he was with her before I was. He is 12 and has seizures. Well he had some today. She wanted me to read the dosage at the vet of the medicine he takes. I asked if I should come down. There was a slight hesitation, then, "no,I'm alright". Translation: The other guy is there. Is she all the way gone?

Jrazz posted 7/20/2013 23:15 PM

That's pretty far gone, sunsets. I mean, it's not just fog... she's at his damn house. I'm sorry.

I'd show compassion in regards to the dog because he is an innocent bystander in this crap. If she needs you to read one label to her, so be it. Otherwise, you need to just focus on taking care of yourself and what your next steps are to get out of this.

Sending hugs and strength.

sunsetslost posted 7/20/2013 23:23 PM

How does a sick family member or cherished pet factor in this process? I need advice on how to continue. I can follow the 180 but I can't totally turn my back in that type of situation can I? Even when she does lean on me for support I know it's just temporary and caused by grief. I can't be totally heartless

cruelty posted 7/21/2013 01:57 AM

I think the important part is focusing on yourself. The dog has been present your entire married life from what I gather, so it would be understandable that this would affect you. I think--I could be wrong--that you could be hoping for the opportunity to unite due to the emotional connection you both feel for your pet. She has already sent the message her comfort may be provided elsewhere, so why would you worry about it? Try to focus on you, focus on the dog, leave her out of it the best you can. Look after your feelings, take care if you.

cruelty posted 7/21/2013 01:57 AM

Oops double post

[This message edited by cruelty at 1:59 AM, July 21st (Sunday)]

RockyMtn posted 7/21/2013 07:30 AM

I can't be totally heartless

Sure you can. She is. And, frankly, refusing to put yourself on the line to be rejected, strung along, etc. is NOT heartless. If you choose to stay out of the dog situation as much as you can, that isn't heartless. It is protecting yourself from someone who knowingly and repeatedly hurts you.

Look, I love dogs. LOVE. It is traumatic when one has be put down or experiences pain. But, having put 3 dogs down in my life - I can say it doesn't compare to the last few years I've had due to my WH's infidelity. Not even close. What she's doing to you, sir, is far more damaging than the potential loss of her dog.

Try to focus on you, focus on the dog, leave her out of it the best you can.

I agree.

Honestly, she's a big girl. I'm sure her vet is helping her with the medical part of it.

Does the dog live with her or you right now? Sounds like her. If that's the case, ask if you can spend some time alone with the dog. Take him/her to a park. Say your goodbyes.

If the dog lives with you, then just spend quality time with him/her as much as you can.

karmahappens posted 7/21/2013 07:33 AM

I can't be totally heartless

Oh yeah, you can.

I would show love to the dog and ignore her completely.

No hugs no I'm sorries....let her hurt alone.

sailorgirl posted 7/21/2013 08:05 AM

What she's doing to you, sir, is far more damaging than the potential loss of her dog.

I agree. What she has done to you is also far more painful than a sick family member. If that happens, you should deal directly with the family member (assuming this is someone you are close to) and ignore WW.

She fired you from the job of supporting and caring for her. She secretly replaced you. It is great that you're doing a 180. Stick with it in all situations to protect yourself and heal yourself.

solus sto posted 7/21/2013 11:01 AM

She's chosen someone else to support her. She does not intend to support you.

That said, if you want to spend time with the dog, that's a reasonable request.

Just do it alone.

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