Do you know who the OW is? If not get a gps, with a very strong magnet, program it to your computer, and slip it on his vehicle the next time he is at the house. Track where he goes. (Maybe better to try it out on your own car first. Knowledge is power. Knowing the truth even as he is lying to you will give you strength.
Then you lean hard into the 180. Lean on us.
((brokenhearted475)) You deserve better.
What you need to do is change the focus around to being on you. You already know he is lying and cheating.
You start by going NC. No communication about anyything unless it's divorce related. That means he doesn't get to know if you are going on dates, out with your girlfriends, whatever.
Next, you start taking care of yourself physically and emotionally. Make an appointment with IC. Get exercise (go to the gym or just take walks). Eat healthy (I know eating can be hard); fruits and veggies.
Stop trying to reach out to him because he will just continue to be hurtful.
'm so sorry that you're here and in so much pain.
"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid
You need to stop asking him to please tell you the truth, because the more you do, the more he thinks he can keep snowing you. He thinks he's superior and that he's winning.
He won't give you the answers, so decide on the answers yourself. Of COURSE he's having sex with her. No man, who just walked out on his wife, is hanging out and going away with a female if he isn't having sex with her. I know it hurts, but you have your answer.
Honestly? I know you probably don't want to even think about D at the moment, but you need to protect yourself from him spending a ton, running up debt with her and getting you into a financial mess as well as the emotional mess you are in. Go talk to a lawyer. File. Have him served. You can always stop the process later if he does find his brain, but for now, you really need to protect yourself.
Lean on us...when I was where you are, I posted a ton. I was able to rant, beg for answers, cry and whatever else I needed to do to the wonderful people here. Not to him.
I'm sorry you are going through this.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
After DDay #1 my WH was "remorseful" but I was so filled with anger that I briefly thought about having a Revenge Affair. I even went as far as checking out a dating website. Thankfully, I have great friends who knocked some sense into me. Doing that wouldn't make me feel better. Doing that wouldn't make what he did go away.
I'm less than a month out from DDay #2 and I can honestly say I will not even consider dating until long after the divorce is final. I need to take stock of myself. I need to heal from the damage that has been caused. I refuse to accept any less than an honest relationship and I don't want to push all of this drama onto someone else.
Please be gentle with yourself. You're only a few weeks into this mess.
Burn everything love then burn the ashes.
[This message edited by LadyQ at 4:48 PM, July 21st (Sunday)]