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Sue1964 posted 7/21/2013 02:05 AM

When starting again after couple of years of hell.
How do u know if your starting again on the rebound or if its love or lust????

Amazonia posted 7/21/2013 06:02 AM

I knew that my first dating experience after my XH was a rebound because I chose it. I knew that the dating experiences that followed weren't because I am self aware, held myself at arms length, was cautious, and discussed it all with my IC as I made conscious choices.

She11ybeanz posted 7/21/2013 07:42 AM

was cautious, and discussed it all with my IC as I made conscious choices.

OMG! I do this same thing too!! I love my IC....she is like family now! I tell her about all of my possible conquests and we discuss.

better4me posted 7/21/2013 13:46 PM

I don't think we can always know when we are starting something whether our motives are "pure" or if we are beginning a noble adventure.

I know that I can tell myself a lot of stories and I did so when I started dating after my separation. I told myself, "I'm ready" and "It is too soon, but that is okay". A friend's daughter, age 25, asked about that first dating partner "Do you think it is just a rebound" my reply, "I guess I will know when it is over"...and that is truly the only way I knew, once I stopped telling myself the stories and let the relationship run it's course.

For me, that first relationship after going through hell was a combination of lust and rebound and opportunity...but that is only in retrospect...

It's been 2 years for you though Sue...how long have you been alone? are you okay with being alone? what work have you done to heal? Those are questions I wish I had asked and answered before I began dating...

NaiveAgain posted 7/22/2013 05:22 AM

When starting again after couple of years of hell.
How do u know if your starting again on the rebound or if its love or lust????
That is why you take it slow. You can't always be sure in the beginning so you need to take the time to truly get to know the other person and get a "feel" for how you relate to each other without the physical stuff getting in the way. 6 month minimum is what I feel it takes....because that is when reality starts kicking in and you realize you aren't going to be able to live on "love" alone....still need to pay those bills, figure out the logistics of your life and theirs.....

Make sure you aren't dating just to try to fill a void. That can prevent all kinds of misery.....

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