The doubts and questions took quite awhile to work out for me. I think I needed to get to a stable place physically, meaning my H had agreed to R, he was being transparent and supportive consistantly for several months enough that I felt like he wasn't lying to me anymore. That took several months, I'd say at least six after we made it thru all the trickle truth and fog. Once I had some stability there I was able to work on the insecurities he had created in me, not just about my appearance but was I a bad wife? was I stupid for not seeing it sooner? should I have known he was capable of this while we were dating, even about my belief system, if you are a good person people won't treat you badly! That was out the window!
So I had to sort that all out, I had to figure out how to cope with mind movies and triggers and I had to figure out how to deal with anger. So yes you can do all those things but it's going to take time and a lot of work. I worked privately with a therapist that whole second year just to get my head back on straight!
For a bit of beginning guidance to hopefully help you with your visit. I would recommend writing in a journal everyday. Write like you are talking to her, scream, curse whatever you need and then go thru the journal and pinpoint what issues keep coming up. It's easy to express our hurt as anger when we are in front of our WS's and typically that won't get you a response that is helpful ( they'll be defensive or angry usually ) when you go thru your journal after a few days you'll see some patterns and you can maybe formulate a way to express the persistant issue to your wife in a way that is clear and calm. I recommend thinking about what you want from your wife before you speak, if you need comfort be clear about that. Sometimes I would want my H to hold me and apologize and I'd lash out in anger "how could you do this, what is wrong with you" obviously, that didn't lead to a hug but if I said "i'm hurting right now and i need you to support me" he did, everytime. In true R your spouse want's you to heal they might not know how to fix it but they will do whatever you need them to do if you ask so keep that in mind, they don't know what you need.
I hope that helps a little. It's a long process and you just have to deal with it one piece at a time. find an ic, read all the books and talk productively with your spouse.