SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Well where do I start. I realise that I shouldn't really be here atm, I am still dealing with the fallout from my ex who I believe to be NPD.

I am trying so hard to move on. It's rocky but I am getting there I think. I am on an OLD site, plenty of fish in fact.

I am quite picky with who I become attracted to and who I decide to actually meet with in real life and with the string of horrible relationships in my wake, I am trying to be more aware of what I could potentially be dealing with when it comes to finding someone new. I am constantly looking out for red flags and trying to work on my boundary issues.

Well I started chatting with this chap and he seemed fine and fairly. Same kind of interests and is in a job that I am in the middle of training for.

We exchanged a few messages and he asked if I wanted to meet last Sunday so I agreed. The day before he sent me a message telling me that it seemed we had a mutual friend. We were/are not friends on FB so I asked what he meant. He told me that he was having a few drinks with 'mutual friend' and told him that he was talking to someone on POF and was planning to meet her tomorrow. Showed him my profile and obviously he said he knew me and that I was a nice person. The mutual friend is actually the brother of a girl I was best friends with throughout school and I have known him for most of my life. I contacted said friend and he said that he was a really nice bloke so that put me at ease more about meeting him.

So we met the day after for drinks in a pub garden, with live music and the sunshine. It was nice and I thought it went well. I wasn't sure if I 'liked him' at that point. It was obviously the first date, we seemed to get on well and we talked a lot.

When I returned home, I texted him and told him that it was a nice evening and that I hoped he got home ok. He replied and said that it was a lovely evening. I said goodnight and he didn't reply. So I wrote that off, no big deal.

I then heard from him Tuesday asking me to go out on the Friday. I agreed and we texted back and forth a little but again he seemed to stop suddenly, something I have noticed with all of the conversations. Thursday arrived and he messaged me to ask if I would mind going out on Saturday night instead of Friday as he had some job applications to finish. I said that was fine and thought that Saturday would be better anyway and he agreed.

Saturday rolls around. He text me in the day and asked me if I was still up for meting that night. I said that I was and we arranged a time. The place we arranged to meet is in the next city so he told me that in order to have a few drinks he would probably get the train there. I said I would probably do the same. Now we both live in the same city and there was no mention of traveling there together, which I thought was a little odd but whatever.

Travelling there would mean catching a bus/or taxi to train station, then train to net city the a taxi to the bay, so leaving 45 mins before we were due to meet would have made sense. I asked my friend if he could possibly give me a lift there is I paid him and he agreed which meant cutting out all the hassle with buses and trains.

We were due to meet at 8pm. My friend collected me at 7:20pm. I then got a text at exactly 7:20pm saying, "Hey. I'm not going to make it tonight. Really Really sorry! Can we make it another night? x".

Well me being the idiot I am said, that it was ok and another night would be fine. No reply.

I'm not hurt or anything just annoyed that he would cancel at SUCH SHORT NOTICE. He SHOULD have left by then so at what damn point did he decide that he wasn't coming? When he had his shoes on ready to leave the house? Did he even BOTHER getting ready at all? Did he know way before that he wasn't going to bother? And there was no reason for it in the text either.

I COULD have already been on the train to said city if my friend hadn't agreed to take me! He didn't know that!!!

What on EARTH is wrong with people? It wouldn't have been so bad if it was me who asked to meet again, but it was him who asked in the first place and he also texted me that day to make sure we were still meeting!!!

WTH????

The last minute cancel, when they should have been on their way to meet, happened to me twice. In one instance, we had never met, so I know it wasn't about me. The other time, I suspect he did it on purpose to try to piss me off because he had been pressing me about "our relationship." I wasn't telling him I was madly in love with him after meeting him twice, and that seemed to disturb him.

If you are going to do OLD, you have to accept that this kind of BS is going to happen. There are plenty of messed up people out there. You are going to meet some of them. If this bothers you, you probably shouldn't do it.

Ultimately, I decided it just wasn't worth it. I've got better things to do with my time.

If he's meeting you in another town it's possible he has something to hide.

Thanks both.

It's a popular place to go in the next city over and a 'datey' place. Also we met in our city on the first meeting so I don't think it is that.

I guess I don't understand because if he didn't want to meet again he shouldn't have asked.

He did seem pretty decent too so god knows what that's all about!

He should have called. A text that late is just rude.

Flake.

Rude!

Next him even if he tries to rebook it!

Boo! He should have CALLED you to cancel on that short of notice. Especially knowing you were taking the train to another city just to be with him.

Something is weird. If it were me, I wouldn't accept another chance. Be picky!

Thank you all. I think even calling at that short notice is just unacceptable. I notice he has been VERY active on the OLD site, not that that would be an issue anyway after only one date, but I'm thinking that maybe he cancelled on account of someone else? Anyway, stuff him. I will not be accepting another date offer from him. I doubt I will hear from him after this little stunt, but if I do I will either just ignore or tell him that I don't think it's a good idea and wish him luck in his search. I don't think I would be able to sit there again in his company anyway after this.

Nope, I may have accepted this crap before but not anymore. I have always preferred to be in relationships than be single, but this time around I am not minding it too much. I will not settle for this behaviour or anything less than I deserve, especially after all I have put up with recently.

Thanks all

I actually thought when you mentioned the couple of times that he seemed to abruptly stop texting, changed plans last minute, and wanted to meet for drinks in a differently town that you were leading up to telling us he is married or in a relationship with someone else.

Not saying he is - but those little things combined with the thoughtlessness of canceling last minute makes me think that at best he is just not very considerate, and at worst, in a relationship and (trying to) cheat.

Look at it this way - when you first meet and start to date someone, that is when "best behavior" is usually out. Why? Because that is the time when one is trying to make a best impression to make sure he/she doesn't get "nexted" for something small and stupid.

If this is him being on best "beginning-of-relationship" behavior, imagine what it would be like with him when he gets comfortable and is no longer trying to be on best behavior.

Even if he isn't sneaking around, are you interested in someone who acts like this? Of course not!

Don't despair, though. It's good experience for continuing through this process. And in OLD, you tend to have to do a LOT of weeding before you find the keepers.

[This message edited by osxgirl at 5:00 PM, July 22nd (Monday)]