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Rebuildingman posted 7/21/2013 12:58 PM

Have a question to pose to the group. I'm the WS (the husband) and D-Day was one week ago. The anguish has been crushing.

I find myself wanting "to do something". Obviously other than being supportive and trying to be a "friend" to my poor wife, I've been doing housework. Perhaps even excessive housework. To my kids it looks blatantly like I'm trying to curry favor, and of course any amount cannot make up for cheating, but it is the only thing I can do right now to show my love for my family, including my wife.

Thoughts from the group? Should I cool it a little?

BaxtersBFF posted 7/21/2013 13:09 PM

I would say keep doing it. Nothing wrong with cleaning, even if it is out of guilt or from a lack of knowing anythong else to do...

It already sounds like you realize it, but don't expect anything to mak a difference to your BW for a while. Long term actions over time will be what makes the difference. Anything you can do to reduce the pressure of everyday living at this point should be helpful.

knightsbff posted 7/21/2013 17:09 PM

I think anything you can do to help out is a good idea.

Take your cues from your BW.

You could also get started on some reading to help you and your BW get through this mess.

longroadahead22 posted 7/22/2013 19:35 PM

If you haven't read the book the five love languages I highly recommend it. It will help you learn what your BS need to feel loved and how they show their love. Right not you may just be speaking the acts of service. There is acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, and gifts. Learn how your BS wants to be shown love and how they show their love and then things start to become easier