I went through every room and cried.
We bought the home, our first home, just last summer. It was our new beginning after 4 years of rebuilding our marriage.
I will never again pack school lunches in the kitchen, I will never again watch the boys practice baseball in the backyard, I will never re-do the guest bathroom, I will never again tuck my boys in at night.... Those dreams in that house are gone.
When I got there today, he had boxed up all of the home decor that I picked out. He had all my other storage items stacked in piles. He couldn't get rid of me fast enough. Now OW has run of the house... my house.
Burn everything love then burn the ashes.
"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid
To make it easier, I've been trying to focus more on the future, the new place, decorating, and figuring out new dreams.
The dreams I had in this house came from the person I was 10 years ago. I've outgrown them and see the world differently. A part of me is excited to see how the next phase of my life comes together.
Sending you lots of hugs.
After a year away, I can say I'm thankful I'm no longer in the house. No memories in my face every day, the house was holding me in the past.
I hope you find peace in your new place.
I recently had to pack and move myself and my children from our big house that we owned and was to me a symbol of the life we built for our kids. So much destruction for selfish disgusting choices. It hurt me to deal with it and it hurts to hear about anyone else going through such a terrible violation and loss. To have the OW move in must take it to a higher level of grief.
I hope some sunshine enters your life soon and dry up the tears. There is going to be a brighter tomorrow, you gotta believe that even on the darkest days like today when it's seems least likely.
[This message edited by Housefulloflove at 12:44 AM, July 22nd (Monday)]
[This message edited by Lilypad at 12:52 AM, July 22nd (Monday)]
The night I found the text messages, I confronted him. WH was all over the place. Initially, he was angry and blamed me for snooping. Then he quickly sifted to this calm rationalization. And lastly, he dissolved into tears and started telling me that I was better off without him... blah, blah, blah. This all happened in the course of 30 minutes. Every fiber of my being told me that I needed to get out of that house. I just knew he wouldn't leave.
I packed an overnight bag for the children and me. He tried to convince me to stay but I knew if I didn't go, it was going to escalate. I've been through one DDay already. I remember the screaming, breaking things, sobbing, you name it. I didn't want the kids to witness that.
So, the kids and I went to stay with my parents. They told me that if I wanted to move in with them I could. Part of me was hoping, early on, that my leaving would snap him back into reality. It didn't. So I told him I was going to stay with my parents for a while. 2 days after I found out about the affair, he brought OW over for a slumber party. I knew I could never live in that house again. She is now practically living there, except when he has the boys. It kills me to think he could bring her over when they are there. He has only had them a few times and they are old enough to tell me if she is there. I've asked vague questions about their visits and I'm 99% certain they haven't met her yet. Only time will tell with these 2 selfish a**holes.
The practical aspect is that I only work part-time. I knew that I would never be able to afford the house on my own and I honestly didn't want to have to depend on him to help pay for it. What if he was late with checks or just didn't pay at all? That stress would have been too great. Also, we purchased the house less than a year ago. There is no equity it, in fact its more of a liability to me than anything.
So, long story short. I just didn't want to stay there. I'm with my parents. They have ample room for all three of us. The boys each have their own bedroom, as do I. I have a built in support system and an opportunity to get back on my feet. My lawyer suggested it may have to be sold. I guess we will cross that bridge when we get there.
I don't know if its so much leaving the house that's sad. Its the hopes and dreams I had for the house, for the future.
[This message edited by hangingontohope7 at 10:13 AM, July 22nd (Monday)]
And you wh is a douch!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"
I am so, so sorry. What an incredibly difficult day for you. Imagining the OW in the home you made for yourself and WH must be agony.
For me it was the reverse... He moved out and directly into a new place with her. I was jealous at the time, because I'm the one stuck here with a huge house that I can't really afford, and all the memories that happened here. I even have memories of OW being here for dinner, drinks, hot tubing etc with us when she was dating XWH's friend (that was how XWH met her). It's been very hard to stay here surrounded by all these ghosts, but I don't have a choice.
I've been feeling sorry for myself about it, but I think you have it worse than I do. You are very much in my thoughts!! As time goes by, I hope your new place will start to feel more like a fresh start for you, full of possibilities.
Hugs to you!!
Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. ~ Alfred Adler
Letting go of the outcome is about the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. ~ LosferWords