I am 4 months out from DD with my WH (though I suspected something was going on for much, much longer). That is part of the problem I am having...getting past the duration of the lies. Things that help me:
*when he verbally acknowledges how messed up things are because of his actions (but this must be sincerely - it's not helpful when he is angry about it). *me taking part in IC, MC and knowing that the WH is in counseling, too, and reading books.
*spending time together (we took up yoga)
*going to bed early (you can't do R on a crappy night of sleep)
*taking things slow and not rushing either person to "be" a certain way.
Everything I read says it takes 2-5 years to recover from an affair. I've talked to people who went on to have successful relationships/marriages with other people after they were betrayed and it impacts them with the NEW person even though the NEW person has never given them any reason to distrust. So...that is something to consider. There may be a part of BS that never gets over it.