I'm 99% sure he has NPD as well. I saw three IC after DDay to try to figure out how to handle the situation (I felt like I was losing him to mental illness over those three weeks) and they all said that it was a PD of some kind. It only took a little research to pick up that NPD was probably it. I actually read some of the symptoms out to my family (who knew WS very well) and our mouths just hung open. His photo might as well have been put in next to the entry.
From the way he pursued me, to his "quirks", to the way he was an "expert" on everything, to his obsessive working out, to his obsession with his appearance... it was him. Even in the breakup everything was "I" focused ("I'm sad today") and he never once asked me how I was. I could go on. But what he did to me at the end seems to have been some kind of narc rage. It wasn't enough to cheat on me, break up with me, force me to quit my job, kick me out of the house. He had to throw in the insults, say anything he could think of until I cried, if I appealed to his compassion, our past, his love for me, I got the "shark eyes." I imagined myself like an animal he just kept beating into a corner. Frankly, it's why I 180ed/NCed so quick.
The only thing that got a rise out of him was if I was just as cruel back. I did it a couple of times and he would turtle right back into his shell. But I decided I didn't want to stoop to his level and that's the other reason I NCed.
After I had NCed him, he moved on to texting and FB. Texted my friends that I was a bad person and things between us "hadn't been great for awhile." They didn't answer. Began posting memes and status updates like a maniac. Hit on some of my girlfriends (even the gay ones!) online. Talked about visiting home and going back to the places where he "kissed and broke up with girls" when he was a kid. He knew I just got a new car and started posting all kinds of things about how awful cars are for the environment (he rides a bike to work). Bragged about how great the area of the country that he's living in is. Every morning he posted a status update about how his life was so, so, so fabulous right now. It finally began to taper off after a few weeks, but it's the other reason I unfriended him ASAP. At first it helped to watch some of that activity to see how far gone he was. On the other hand, talk about dehumanizing me.
Again, with IC, I'm looking back and seeing there were cracks. If he said something cruel to you, he would tell you he didn't mean it that way and it was your problem for misinterpreting him. I think I could count the number of "I'm sorry"s on one hand in 10 years. He NEVER finished his work voluntarily. If he had something due (like a report) he would just spend the week going to the gym for hours everyday and then, at the very very last min, he would go in the "cave" and pump out whatever was due without putting in major effort. He was all show. His resume was always ridiculous. If he attended one meeting once in his life on a topic, he was suddenly an expert at it and it made it onto his list of accomplishments/abilities. If someone at work was given an assignment he wanted, he became obsessed and would villainize that person until they would go to his boss and complain that they just couldn't work with him anymore.
But I was always protected. I was in the inner circle. He helped me with stuff because when I looked good, it made him look good. And I used to joke that I made him "look human" because I would help soften his emails and explain why he couldn't say certain things to people. I helped de-geek him and pick out nice suits. I gave him a loving extended family that he could go to when his family was full of weirdos. He even took on my whole animal rescue thing and would brag about it as if it was his own. I thought we were sharing a mutual interest... but, come to think of it, he never spent a penny of his own money on it, unless I was paying him back. To this day, our rescue dog and our family photos are still up on his FB profile, making him look like the compassionate, loving family man.
This turned into more of a rant than I intended... but it is so hard to live with going from hero to zero in someone's life so fast. To be dehumanized like that. And then, if you do accept that they are "sick", it's hard to even get seriously, truly angry... because you know it will do about as much good as getting angry at a chair. A chair at least sometimes cushions your ass and, in that respect, has more compassion than someone with NPD.
Friends will call me and ask if I've heard from him. Of course I haven't. That would mean he's human. He had a fiancé before I met him that he decided to leave and he LITERALLY never talked to her again. He ran into her 10 years later at a college reunion, they exchanged niceties, and she emailed him about a week later one of those sort of "glad our lives worked out, nice to see you, how about some polite closure" emails. He just didn't answer it. Made fun of it to me. I encouraged him to respond. Give her some closure. Even if you don't mean it, have some compassion... you really crushed her all of those years ago. He couldn't be bothered and never did it.
I have the feeling I'm now in the same category. At one point he called me during the breakup and I answered by saying "I'm shocked" Him: "Why?" Me: "Because I know you're going to do to me what you did to X". He took a reeeeeaaaallllly long pause and then said quietly "I'm not doing that."
Almost 3 mos and counting on the last time I heard anything from him. Wanna bet?
[This message edited by PhantomLimb at 8:54 PM, July 21st (Sunday)]