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Anniversary - I forgave him

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Beautifulmom posted 7/21/2013 20:42 PM

It's been almost 9 months since Dday, 4 years since I started suspecting something going on with my FWS and supposed best friend of 14 years.
I'm so happy to say that after 6 months of fog or whatever was going through his mind he started to realize he was in major jeopardy of losing me. I was proving more and more each day that I could do it without him, and really for those 6 months I would RATHER do it without him. I had gone as far as to plan where to move with the kids and what car to buy when I started life over as a single mom.
At 6 months it's like he turned into a different person. He started reading the books I asked him to, got very patient and attentive and loving, would talk about the affair without getting impatient or defensive, and actually told the truth about what happened to my ex-bff's mom when he found out she had told her mom that I was just jealous of her. July 4th he sat down with me and told me what I wanted to hear - the truth and the reason why he thinks he did it. I wasn't really sure if, after all this time, it would really help me even though I had told him those were the 2 things I wanted. But a few days later, on our 11 year anniversary, I forgave him.

Never thought I would be able to forgive. I am finally able to feel like I can move forward. Even my brain feels less empty from the weight it has lifted off of me.

You never know, I might wake up tommorrow morning and realize that I can't forgive and take it all back. My emotions have been so crazy since 10/28/12. But I hope not. I can honestly say that maybe this did happen for a reason - to draw us closer together and make us understand the vigilance and work marriages need to stay "good".

LA44 posted 7/21/2013 20:49 PM

Hello beautifulmom! I remember your story with the bff and her mom. Great that he told the mom the truth!

I am so happy for you that your H's words match his behaviour and you are getting what you have been wanting.

My dad asked me the other night if I have forgiveness in me (as we just told my parents a few days ago). I said I knew I was capable of it but was not quite there yet. My H is doing everything right - since the get-go really.

I hope I follow in your footsteps. And like you, I hope this terrible time in our lives brings us a better, more passionate, understanding and genuine marriage.

Marriage can be better not bc of the A but in spite of it.

Have a good night.

LA44 posted 7/21/2013 20:50 PM

and Happy Anniversary!

Beautifulmom posted 7/26/2013 21:33 PM

Thanks la! Yes i was so surprised when he offered to tell her mom because he didnt want me to look bad. He totally took responsibility.

Things still hurt. I am still broken and mad that i trusted her to be loyal to me and she cared so little about me. She never acted remorseful and i beleive she isnt, in her mind she is justified. And i will never get closure from that.
But my fwh is remorseful and i feel truly loves me and wants a good life with me. Hes willing to
work to start our story over.
Until now i kept thinking i needed to forgive, but i just couldnt. Dont push it, if its not right its not right. You will know.

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